


Instincts

by JackPower



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), Developing Friendships, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Keith/Lance (Voltron), Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Galra Keith (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Heavy Angst, Homesick Lance (Voltron), Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Fluff, Keith/Lance (Voltron)-centric, Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Light Angst, M/M, Oblivious Lance (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith/Lance (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Keith/Lance (Voltron), Slow Romance, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Soft Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:33:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22242640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackPower/pseuds/JackPower
Summary: Instincts.Everyone has them. When our higher order of thought is abandoned, the only thing controlling us is our instincts. Rapid impulses built into our DNA to protect us, turn us into wild animals when threatened. If one had the ability, let’s say, to control others instincts, it would make them god-like. If one could determine exactly how someone would react to specific stimuli, then one could control them in a most primal fashion.~~~Lance hasn't been doing so great recently. His recent capture by the Galra has left him a fucked up mess, and his rescue didn't fix everything that had happened to him. With tensions within the team building, and the ongoing threat of the Galra increasing, why can't Lance get his mind off of this one boy?
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 51
Kudos: 240





	1. Chapter 1

Instincts.

Everyone has them. When our higher order of thought is abandoned, the only thing controlling us is our instincts. Rapid impulses built into our DNA to protect us, turn us into wild animals when threatened. If one had the ability, let’s say, to control others instincts, it would make them god-like. If one could determine exactly how someone would react to specific stimuli, then one could control them in a most primal fashion.

Unfortunately for Lance, today was not his day.

Strapped to the giant metal bench, which was obviously made for creatures much bigger than him, Lance was furious. He could barely see through the darkness of the room, only the lavender-purple light from the screens surrounding him provided any light. Each laboured breath clogged his hearing. He needed to focus, he needed to relax, but anger and fear bubbled, acidic in the pit of his stomach, and resided heavily upon his bound torso. Lance cried in frustration. He tried once more to strain against his restraints, but to no avail. His exposed wrists and ankles had been chafed bloody ages ago, but Lance refused to stop struggling.

Lance was either lucid or rabid, he hadn't quite decided, yet, he was determined to stay that way. Lance knew that when his captor came back it was unlikely that he would be able to retain his current level of conscience, but by god, was Lance going to fight him until his last breath. His teammates would be here soon, and everything would be alright. He just needed to stall his captor. Would he die before his team arrived? He cast that thought aside.

The anxiety was building. The pressure of waiting, his back pressed against the freezing cold bench, the slight smell of disinfectant wafting through the room, the lack of light, all of it was going to get to him. Lance took a deep breath, wishing he could pull his undershirt to cover his nose and mouth from the corrosively clean smell. The soft tapping of footsteps atop a metal floor filled the room as Lance was approached.

Lance’s heart screeched to a dead halt. His eyes locked on the man-no _monster_ \- just as he stopped in front of Lance’s table.

No words were said as the Galra pulled a black suitcase and placed it on a small table next to the bench.

If Lance could, he would rip out that Galra fuck’s throat. This monster doesn’t deserve the nicety of a painless death. Lance hoped no one cared for him, because he was going to make sure there was no body left to bury.

The Galra saw the hateful glare being thrown at him. He made eye-contact with Lance before clicking the locks on the front of the suitcase, reminding him who was the one pinned to the bench.

The smart-ass response Lance was planning to throw at him died all to quickly in his throat. Lance may be angry, but he wasn’t stupid. He saw the way the Galra was handling the suitcase. As if he was holding a set of china inside of it. Whatever was in there was clearly just going to cause him more pain.

The lighting seemed to have woken up when the man entered the room, or maybe Lance’s eyes had just adjusted. The purple fur of his captor was illuminated by the screens, his eyes were glowing yellow. These details were made apparent when Lance’s eyes were no longer flooded with tears. Meeting his bright eyes only made Lance realise _exactly_ how helpless he was. His arms and legs were bound down harshly to the table. He was in only the under-suit of his armour, which left absolutely nothing to the imagination. He was entirely at the mercy of his enemy.

Lance let his eyes drop. He felt his heart rate quicken again. His scientist recognised his submission and nodded. His body shrunk into the table, as if he was trying to sink through it.

His captor stared at him for only a moment more before opening the suitcase. Inside the suitcase was a small black box surrounded by black foam to keep it secure. Lance’s heart started beating a little faster when he saw that. Now he _really_ knew how painful this would be. The tension in the air was cut as the box unlocked. Lance’s eyes were glued to the Galra’s hand as he lifted out what Lance could only hope wasn’t going to be as painful as it looked, a needle. It was small, much smaller than what a common needle on Earth would be, yet the greeny-yellowish colour of it didn’t loosen the suspicion at all. It was like a frog, the more brightly coloured, the more deadly it was. Lance felt his stomach drop as his scientist flicked the needle to make sure it didn’t have any bubbles in it. Lance felt like pleading. Like dropping to his knees and begging for his life. He could only imagine what that needle would do to him.

His body started shaking of its own accord when the Galra positioned his arm. Lance swore he felt a tear drop down his face. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t escape. He was going to die; he could feel it. Silently he apologised to everyone he could remember he’d wronged. Lance didn’t want to die with any regrets, but that’s kind of hard when you’re going to die in a Galra laboratory.

He was so close now and Lance could practically feel the needle pressing into him. He knew this was it. You can’t come back from this. No matter the struggle, no matter how much pleading, this was it. Panic that had all but left his system, began to rise to dangerous levels. The needle was getting closer, his captor was seemingly about to inject it into the inner side of his elbow. Lance felt his stomach sink to his knees. He couldn’t move at all except to turn his head to look at his arm as the needle was pushing into him. Lance was gagging. The small pinch of the needle releasing its fluid into him made him sick.

He couldn’t help but watch as the small plunger was pushed slowly down.

He could feel when the needle had left, but that didn’t ease him at all. What was it going to do? How long did he have? Surely it was going to kill him. He struggled against his bonds. What was going to happen to him?

Silence.

Lance paused, somewhat expecting there to be an instant reaction. He could feel the cold liquid hastily making its way through his system, warming up to his body temperature. Why is nothing happening? It feels like getting a normal injection, small sting then a little queasy afterwards.

Then it hits.

It starts off slow, a small burning sensation in the tips of his toes. Slowly but surely it works its way up to his neck, hesitating for a moment before intensifying. His skin boils, like cheese on a pizza. It melts from his bones, pooling onto the table below him. His vision white, Lance screams. The cocktail of death coursing through him until he felt nothing but fire. Was the table shaking or was it him? Lance couldn’t tell. The agony only doubles when he immediately struggles against his bonds. No expletive could summarise the feeling. Flames licked up his sides, burning into his ribs, through to his lungs. Every breath filled his lungs with fire. Lance just wanted death. The pain was too much.

The Galra silences his screams by covering his mouth with his hand. Lance was weeping under such agony, what in the universe could this man want from him? He barely even noticed when the monster leaned over him and whispered in his ear one fateful word:

“Inferno.”

Lance felt his head hit the table before he passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Return

When Lance first awoke, the first thing he registered was the distinct lack of pain. He scrunched his nose up, trying to decipher his situation. What was going on? Where was he? These questions were quickly silenced by the gentle haze filling his mind. Whatever egregious thoughts coming to mind were pushed back by the haze. His head was filled with more than just cotton balls. Lance decided that whatever was outside of his little safe bubble he didn’t really mind facing. Besides, nothing _that_ bad could be facing him, right? Opening his eyes was a different task, as they each felt like they weighed a ton. With gradual effort, eventually Lance cracked them open, letting them adjust slightly before focusing. The world around him was a misty blue. Was he standing? Lance looked down, noticing the amount of effort it took to do so, before realising that yes, in fact, he was standing. The lift of his head back up sent the world swirling as suddenly the pod’s door opened sending Lance crashing to the floor. That explains why everything was a misty blue, he was looking through the pod’s window. Lance observed exactly how limited his senses were now but was powerless to help it. He almost laughed at how stupid he felt just then, but held back, waiting for his mind to catch up with his surroundings.

He rubbed his eyes until they were clear; the interior of the Castle greeted him. He had just fallen out of one of the healing pods. Not only was he back in the castle, but his veins were no longer on fire. He looked at his arms, examining them. They were not melted or charred as he’d expected. Lance took a couple of moments to wonder why he was so relieved, before his memory was jogged. His current happiness was overruled by the sudden need to throw up. He doubled over. Lance retched until it came up dry. This throat burned almost as much as his entire body had. He wiped his mouth on the undersuit’s arm, just the sight of it brining up another wave of nausea. Lance should feel relieved, but currently all he could feel was sickness.

“I- I’m back,” Lance whispered. It was a statement, but it felt more like a question. His head was still foggy fully comprehend his scenario. Lance tried to shake his head but that only made it worse. He winced at the slight headache that was growing.

His heavy breathing ricocheted around the room, having no one to answer it. Where were his friends? Lance was too groggy to ponder that question any further, instead, standing up and beginning his trek to his room. Lance was exhausted, and his bed sounded like heaven right now, he could sort out his thoughts later. The castle swayed underneath his feet as he walked but Lance paid it no mind. A soft ringing filled his ears as he passed out on his bed.

When Lance awoke, he was no longer groggy. Apart from the slight woozy feeling in his stomach, Lance felt alright. He blinked a couple of times, allowing himself time to adjust to his new surroundings, his home. A small smile found its way to his face, creeping up on him. He slowly sat up, organising the aches and pains strewn throughout him and groaned. His whole body hurt but most of all his arm. Lance stood up on wobbly legs and stumbled over to the mirror in his bathroom. He was a mess. Pulling slightly on the skin on his face, Lance saw the remains of his once beautiful skin, now a dry and drooping mess. He turned to the side to look at the inner side of his elbow. Wincing as he touched it, Lance saw a small pinprick on his arm surrounded by a ring of pink. It hurt but it didn’t seem like anything to worry about. He carded a hand through his hair, trying to shape it to no avail. He sighed, exiting the bathroom.

He licked his dry lips feeling their irritated skin scratch his tongue. How long had he been asleep? He tried to walk back to his bed, but he could only stumble. The floor was swirling beneath him, tripping his feet at every chance it got. He sighed as he leaned on the wall next to him, feeling his eyes slipping shut. Lance was still tired. His muscles ached with the weight of his body. Why is he still so tired? Lance knows that he needs to find his friends, but at least he was safe now. They would find him. Besides, he was in the castle now, there’s no danger here. 

Lance felt his eyes glaze over as he passes out again.

This time when he awoke, it wasn’t in his own time, it was when the door to his room slide open, startling him to a sitting position. Lance’s head was throbbing, his vision spotted with white. He grabbed his head, letting it sink in between his knees. His teeth were gritted and grinding down on his molars as the pain flashed through him. As soon as his head hit his knees a hand was on his back. Lance could feel bile rising in his throat. He launched off the bed, ignoring whoever it was next to him, to race to the toilet, immediately filling it with his vomit. He groaned, resting his head on his hand, which were resting on the bowl. As he groaned someone reached from behind him and lifted his hair out of the way. Judging by the callousness of the hands and the less than gentle nature of the lifting of his hair, Lance could tell it was Keith. He smiled gently, before tilting his head toward the bowl again, vomiting. It took a solid minute of vomiting and heaving before Lance finally stopped. He wiped his mouth on his arm grimacing at the chunky feeling it left behind. He decided not to think about it. Once Lance finally turned to face Keith, he knew he looked like a wreck. He was met with a slightly grossed out looking Keith. 

“Are you done?” was the first thing Keith asked when he finally talked to Lance after saving his life.

Lance could only laugh. A bubbly gurgle from the back of his throat. Tinged with the burn from the bile. A cough made its way up, taking over his small laugh. Keith was looking at him concerned. 

“Come on bud, let's get you cleaned up,” Keith closed the lid of the toilet, flushing it, before putting his arms under Lances armpits and lifting him on the toilet’s cold lid. His head still hurt, the sudden movement only highlighting the fact. It was if his head was filled to the brim with cotton balls, stuffing him, bursting his head wide open. In the time it took Lance to get his surroundings to stop swirling, Keith had left and brought back Hunk with him. They both surveyed him with a look of relief infused with heartache. Keith had his arms crossed as Hunk knelt down to Lance’s level.

“Hey buddy, how are you feeling?” Hunk asked Lance with a small smile. Lance lifted his overwhelmingly heavy head to look Hunk in the eye. 

“You know, I’m not really feeling too well, might be something to do with alien tortue,” Lance pulled a shit-eating grin - or at least the best he could muster - at Hunk. Hunk didn’t see the humor in this, only looking more concerned. 

“Well, uh, it’s good to see you again man, we thought we had lost you,” sorrow filled the last part of Hunk’s sentence. Lance felt his heart wrench. His friends really were worried. He didn’t want to be the cause anymore.

“I’m sorry,” was all he could say. He could no longer hold his head up, his eyes drifted to the metal floor, reminding him of what had happened before this moment. He closed his eyes. Flashes of needles and shiny silver ‘tools’ filled his brain. He cover his eyes with his palms, trying to hold in the tears. He rested his elbows on his legs, holding up his head. A quite obviously loud sniff gave away his tears. He felt them drip down his face, hot and thick. His throat was parched and his face was sopping wet. He hadn’t noticed until now, but he was only in his boxers. His cheeks heated up as he realised his friends were watching him cry in his boxers. Upon this realisation, Lance lifted his head from his hands, letting his tears drip down his swollen red cheeks. This time it was Keith who knelt next to Lance.

“It’s not your fault, don’t apologise. Let’s just get you cleaned up so when everyone else gets back you don’t look like shit,” Keth, ever the friend, spoke bluntly, addressing two of Lance’s concerns. He nodded, allowing them to help him to his feet. He wobbled slightly, gripping tightly onto Keith’s bicep. Keith, however, didn’t even flinch from Lance’s obviously painful grip, and instead steadied him. He felt like he must’ve left a red mark on Keith’s arm. Lance silently thanked him. 

They made their way to the showers, down the hallway to the left. It was a slow process, filled with Lance almost tripping the entire time. When they arrived, Keith made the executive decision to let Lance keep his boxers on in the shower. Keith took his shirt off and rest it outside of the showers, not wanting to get it wet, Hunk decided he didn’t mind about getting his clothes damp. Lance was barely awake when the water started pouring down from the shower head. It poured down smooth as silk, coating his skin in water and drenching his hair. Nothing had ever felt quite as wonderful. Keith stopped him from falling as Hunk lathered up a cloth. Hunk unceremoniously scrubbed Lances chest of sweat, eventually moving to his arms. The soap was the same scentless brand they always had, but after today, Lance would swear it smelt like fresh lavender.

While this was going on, all Lance could think about was how good it felt to finally shower. After about a week in captivity there was nothing more refreshing than a shower. His mind drifted away from the weakness in his muscles and to how pleasurable it was to wash the grime and grit that had been building up. The hot water soothes the aches scattering his body, the steam clearing his lungs. He breathes deeply. All too quickly, the water was shut off and a towel wrapped around him. Lance almost groaned at the loss of the spray, but he had enough decency to refrain. The water at his feet slowly being drained away, Lance felt immeasurably better. His friends led him out of the showers, patting him dry with the towel as to not let him drip on the floors. When they arrived at Lance's room, Lance watched apathetically as Keith ruffled through his dresser, pulling out a set of clothes for Lance. His nose scrunched up as he pulled out some boxers for him, pinching them by the tips of his fingers. 

"Can you do this by yourself?" He asked Lance, laying the clothes on his bed. Lance nodded, pulling his arms out of Hunk's grip to show his stability. He wobbled a tad but was overall more stable than he was before. “Okay, but call out if you need us, we’ll wait for you in the common area so we can talk,” Keith looked sceptical, crossing his arms, but left anyway. Hunk followed suit. 

Lance sighed.

Sitting on his bed, Lance appreciated what good friends he had. Not only had they taken care of him when he was in his misty mindset, but they had also saved him from the Galra. At least - that’s what Lance thought. Upon further inspection Lance realised that he had never asked the pair how he got back. The obvious answer was that the team broke into the Galra ship he was stored in and rescued him, but he didn’t really know that. Lance’s brain was still fuzzy, and he couldn’t remember what happened after he was injected with whatever was in that syringe. All he could remember was pain, and so much of it. It almost hurt to think about it. 

Lance snapped out of the spiral of thought that was dragging him down. He needed to get dressed, he could sort through his head later. The task of getting dressed didn’t seem too easy, especially since the only pants he had were jeans and his legs were still damp. He sighed again, this was going to be a long day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relaxation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! I am insanely proud of myself that I am finally uploading this. I have spent ages simply writing it and now I am finally uploading it. I’m am currently writing the final chapters but I haven’t edited the other ones yet so they are not ready to go up. I hope whoever reads this enjoys it and leaves a comment and a kudos. It makes my day when I see the little notification.

Before he knew it, Lance was surrounded.

All of his peers were there, majority of them sweaty and it battle armour, Keith and Hunk both there, their clothes slightly damp still from Lance’s shower. The team was sitting in the common area in dead silence, anticipation filling the room like a cloud of smoke. The smoke only wafted away when Lance stepped into the room. His eyes were still glazed, but less so now that he had cleaned himself up and sorted through his emotions. The second he entered the room, Pidge, Shiro, and Allura jumped to their feet.

“Lance,” was all Shiro could say, a breathless whisper of his name. Lance cringed at how desperate he sounded.

The rest were speechless. Hunk and Keith were both staring at him intently. Lance felt overwhelmed. He took a few more cautious steps towards the team, before joining them on the sofa. He was positioned between Keith and the side of the sofa. He was clinging to it, almost scared of his team.

They were all looking at him, not knowing what to say, waiting for him to make the first move, say the first word, show any sign of not being completely broken and that all their hard work to get him back was worth it, to give them the relief that they have so desperately been craving since he was captured. 

“Hey,” was the first word he said to the team as a whole since he was taken.

Pidge broke down first. A wail coming from them, before they flung themselves at Lance, wrapping their skinny arms around Lance’s torso and squeezing tightly. Lance buried his face in their hair, remembering how this used to feel before he was taken. Hunk was next, the soft man joined their hug, covering Lance’s back. Allura and Shiro both decided that they needed to be part of this and came over from the other side of the couch to join the hug. Keith was last, tentatively leaning over to Lance and joining the team in a family group hug. 

“We thought we lost you,” Pidge sniffled into his shirt, wiping their nose on his clean shirt. Hunk nodded in agreement.

“Seriously bud, all hope was lost,” Hunk added.

They all took a few moments more before they retracted from the hug, returning to their original seating positions.

Lance watched as Allura wiped away a stray tear before speaking. 

“How are you feeling Lance?” She asked, composing herself.

Lance looked down, the gaze of his friends too much. How was he feeling? He knew only a few things, and the shock of the situation hadn’t really hit him yet, and that he really was back at the castle. It was strange really, how Lance felt like he was watching himself from a distance, not really feeling how dissociative he was being, yet still stuck in the spiral downwards, just watching. He could tell his friends were around him, but it was like he had tunnel vision. He could hear them, even touch them, but he was blind to them. It was surreal. His vision was still a tad blurry, perhaps that was why he felt like this. Like a shittier version of himself.

“Lance?”

As if it were attached to a string, Lance’s head shot up. What was he asked again? He looked at Allura, she had the same face Keith had on when he was watching him throw up, one of worry and concern for a friend.

“Yeah, sorry, what?” Lance looked at her pleadingly, asking her to just skip over his obvious mishap.

“How are you feeling Lance?” She asked him softly, serving only to highlight the irony in this situation.

Lance pulled the best smile he could muster, “I’m. . . alright.”

Allura made a quick glance at Shiro. Shiro was staring at him. Lance shrunk under the gaze of their fearless leader. He was but an ant under his foot, waiting to be crushed. No- he wasn’t. What is going on with his head? Shiro would never crush him, he was only concerned that was it. 

“Is that a lie?” Shiro was still staring at him. Lance involuntarily shrunk under his gaze. 

“I-uh I don’t know,” he muttered. Lance truly didn’t know how he felt. “How about you guys just tell me how I got here, that’ll make me feel better.”

Shiro passed his gaze from Lance to Keith, asking him to explain.

Keith sighed, “well, to start off with, it was probably the hardest rescue mission we’ve ever been on.” Keith turned to face Lance, making his stomach drop. “Not only was the Blade unwilling to help us, they even advised us to just leave you behind because the risk was not worth it.”

Lance gulped. Were they really considering leaving him behind? Finding a new blue paladin? His head felt light. 

Keith cleared his throat, “So we devised a plan. I was to be the front man. We entered the Galran main ship by using Pidge’s cloaked green lion through the entrances that the attacking ships use. I took down the ‘scientist’ that was experimenting on you before bringing you back to the lion. Shiro and Hunk were distractions to keep them from finding Pidge and me. I had to fight an entire guard-ship off by myself. We then hauled ass out of there and stuck you in a pod.”

Lance was speechless for a moment. The team had risked everything to get him back. No wonder they were all so concerned with his well being. He suddenly felt really bad.  Even in his tired, somewhat delirious state, Lance could see the effect his loss was having on his friends. With a simple glance around the sofa he noticed Allura’s nails chewed down to their beds, which was extremely unlike her as she took pride in her self-care. Hunk had a jittery leg which was jumping up and down under the table, something which he hadn’t had before Lance’s departure.

Pidge stood up, beginning to pace back and forth. Lance watched them as they stopped pacing rocking from the balls of their feet to the heels before beginning pacing again. Shiro just looked tired, like he was the entire team’s therapist when he was gone. Coran had gained a couple of wrinkles, or at least it seemed like he had, or maybe it was his hanging head, unable to hold its weight. Keith seemed to have been affected the most. Even the bluntest person could have picked up on his constant glancing back to Lance. Eyes to the table, eyes on him, it was a constant cycle. His body was thinner, probably from lack of eating. Lance thought he looked ill, though it was probably from his slouched posture. It made Lance sick to think he had done this to his team.

A swirling snake of guilt was writhing in his stomach, eating him from the inside. He could hear Pidge talking and the other paladins replying sollumly, but he couldn’t bring himself to listen. The guilt seemed to stir up his emotions. Mixing until the events from the past were evident on his face. The world around him was shallow and grey, his friends’ distant memories. Lance could feel his hands and feet growing cold. Lance  _ can’t  _ do this now. Not as his team was finally starting to relax. Not after he had put them through so much. Lance pressed his lips together as hard as they would go. He felt tears sting his eyes, but he wiped them away before anyone could see. The glowing eyes of his scientist, of  _ his  _ scientist swarmed in front of his vision.

Lance needed to stable himself. He pressed his palms onto his thighs in an attempt, but his legs were shaking violently, or maybe that was just his hands, he couldn’t tell. Lance involuntarily gasped when his breath ran out, drawing the attention of his friends. He could feel their eyes on him, their glares burning into his skin. He hastily wrapped his hands around his chest covering himself from their gaze. His head hung low. Lance knew he’d failed his friends. They were all glaring at him. He could hear them talking but couldn’t make out what they were saying. All he could hear was this chanting in his ears, pounding into his brain, carved into is skull.

A ruptured sigh rumbled from his chest. He knew that his emotions and thoughts were going to overwhelm him eventually. They were swirling in the pit of his stomach, waiting for the optimal time to ruin his day, and this was that time. Lance felt a wave rising from his stomach, pushing itself into Lance’s throat, lodging itself painfully, stopping him from speaking, or even crying properly. His head pounded in time with the lump in his throat, keeping a steady rhythm of agony. He grabbed his head in pain. He could feel a hand on his shoulder and voices around him, but they just seemed distorted and loud. Loud enough to drown out everything else. Their voices were so loud, they were everywhere, seeping into his cracks, poisoning his veins. He covered his ears, trying desperately to block them out, but he could already feel them taking they’re effect. Like a drug, the booming voices made his head swirl and his friends disappear. Lance was hyper aware of his breathing and how loud it was as well. Each breath hastily taken as if he wouldn’t get another. The hand on his shoulder stayed firm as the voice slowly began to quiet down. Silence came slowly, his breathing being the last thing to grace his ears before Lance could see again. 

“Lance?” It was Keith. Lance needed to look at him. He pried his shaking hands from his hair, just realising that he had been pulling on it so hard two small chunks had come out. His eyes went wide at the sight. Lance lifted his head, the pounding had retired, but had made it feel like it was made from lead. He looked at Keith directly in the eye. He could tell exactly how concerned the group was without even looking at the rest of them.

“I- I’m sorry.” Lance spoke softly. His head drifted to the floor again.

“Don’t apologise,” Keith said, “this isn’t your fault, and it never will be.”

“We should’ve known you’d’ve gotten overwhelmed,” Shiro added.

Lance nodded to placate them. After a few moments Lance stood up, and on wobbly legs sat in the middle of the group. He leaned his head on Keith’s shoulder and wrapped an arm around Pidge, silently calling the rest of the group in for another group hug. They wrapped Lance in warmth, fending off the pain he felt so deeply. He felt overwhelmed, yet happy. This may not fix him, but it certainly couldn’t hurt.

“We’re going on a fucking vacation after this shit,” Pidge sniffled, wiping their nose on Lance’s shoulder this time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recouperate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloo, here I am! I am sorry. I have wanted to publish this for a while but my stress has been through the roof with this pandemic and my parents divorce, but oh well. Hopefully I will have enough time and energy to actually upload and write this damn thing. I mean,,, I enjoy writing it so whats the big deal?

The next thing Lance knew was the sunny beaches of a random planet. Pidge didn’t have to convince Allura to send them all on a vacation, in fact, it was probably Allura who thought about it in the first place. The ride over to the planet was probably the easiest decision Shiro had ever made. A quick telejump to some small galaxy with two suns a couple million years from colliding and an array of planets to choose from. They settled with the classic beach ‘vacay’ as Lance decided to call it from the very beginning. The solar waves the suns were sending out messed with Galra’s tech apparently (according to Hunk, who had just asked Pidge why they thought it was safe). Lance couldn’t help but notice the effect his loss had on his friends. He decided to ignore it in place for beginning training again and cooking with Hunk. It took them a solid week to make their way to the pocket-like galaxy. It was during this time that Lance opened up to Keith.

Lance was lying on his bed yet again when his door slid open. It was the same person who entered last time, uninvited. He sat down next to Lance, brushing a loose strand of dark hair behind an ear before getting straight to the point.

“I know it’s still fresh Lance, but tell me what he did.”

It’s Keith. He’s asking Lance about his time as a prisoner of war. Lance didn’t know how to respond at first. Usually he was pretty good at explaining his feelings, but after everything, he felt different. His mind felt clouded. Anxiety clogging his thoughts. He shook his head before responding.

“I- I just. . .” 

Keith crossed his arms and looked at Lance expectantly. He wanted a better answer.

Lance sighed, “I just- I don’t know where to start”

“How about you start with what you can remember?” Keith asked, softer than before.

Lance didn’t know. It was just the general feeling of anxiety building up and how most things once familiar to him were now foreign. He couldn’t relax or he would be tied down again. Another needle pushed into his arm. Another scream ripped through his body. Lance shook.

“I don’t want to go back,” Lance whispered, his eyes trained on the ground, “I don’t want _him_ to punish me again.”

He couldn’t see Keith moving, but he could feel his body shifting closer to him until he had an arm over his shoulder. Lance could feel shakes clouding his body, but he refused to let them take over. He wiped his tears away. A deep breath. Lance looked up at Keith, emotions swirling in his eyes.

“I can only remember fragments,” a pause to wipe away another tear, “but I will recall what I can.”

Keith nodded, staying silent.

“After being captured, I was isolated. It must’ve been only a few hours, but it felt like days. I was – _strapped_ to this giant metal table. It was dark. So, so dark Keith, you have no idea. Sometimes my scientist would enter – that’s when the lights came on – he wouldn’t speak, just-“ Lance felt his throat close over, but forced himself to continue, “-beat me, cut me, do whatever it took to break me. But it wasn’t until the last day I was there he actually injected me with something. A needle. It was greeny-yellow, and oh god did it hurt. My skin practically melted, I could feel my veins ripping apart, it was awful Keith, horrible, awful.” Lance couldn’t stop the tears this time. The tears grew thicker and hotter as they streamed down his face. Lance hiccuped before letting a small whisper out, “I just don’t want him to find you guys.”

“At least you’re here now,” Keith commented, “Just you wait, we’ll be at the beaches in no time.” Lance laughed wetly and Keith’s words of comfort.

“Thanks Keith,” He sniffled, “for being here.”

“No problem.”

Anyway, the beaches were probably the best thing for the whole team. At least, that’s what Lance thought. The bright glare of two suns filling his vision as the door to the castle opened onto the sandy shore of a planet similar to earth, only untouched. He shielded his eyes from the glare as the scene before him was revealed. White soft sand glistened as if it were trying to rival a diamond. Waves crashed gently against said sand, water purer than a holy virgin. What looked like palm trees, only vibrant green, provided shade in large quantities, perfect for laying under. An involuntary gasp escaped Lance. It felt like it had been years since the last time he saw a beach. He could hear his friends having the same reaction as him, which blended in with the sound of the ocean. Oh, the sound. The waves crashing against the sand inundated his mind with calm.

Lance took his first full breath in what felt like forever.

This was going to be great.

The first step in Lance’s mind was to lay out a towel. After stripping into his bathers and applying their alternative for sunscreen, Lance laid his towel down upon the soft sand. The taste of salt filled his lungs as he gracefully plopped himself down. He slid a pair of sunglasses up his nose before surveying his friend’s. Hunk and Pidge were also lathering up in sunscreen in preparation for the water, Allura, and Coran were sitting beside Shiro watching him as he showed them how to build a sandcastle, Keith, well he was sitting right next to him, the faint glimmer of a smile on his lips and he sat upon the warm sand. A pang of sadness went through Lance, the events of his recent past swirling in his stomach. Lance couldn’t let them affect his relaxation. This was for his own good. He laid down. He imagined with every breath he took, another piece of his sadness went with it. He watched them float away, settling his thoughts with a few moments of calm. He was going to be alright. His scientist no longer had him. This was his chance to spend a whole week at the beach with his friends. Lance looked over to Keith, watching him glare at a weird-looking crab thing as it approached him, before flicking it away, only to have five more come back and try to attack him with their tiny pincers. Lance laughed at him, and helped him toss the tiny crustaceans into the ocean.

They laid together for a while. More pieces of the fear within him floating away with the wind. After a significant amount of sunbathing, Lance decided it was time to go in the water. Pidge and Hunk were both peacefully floating in the gentle waves, their previous enthusiasm worn away. Lance approached the water, dipping his toes into it, expecting it to be cold, only to find it lukewarm. He smiled and waded into his waist. He paddled over to his friends.

“What’s up guys?” Lance smiled gently at the two who looked thoroughly exhausted.

Hunk just looked up and smiled at his friend, too relaxed to bother forming a sentence.

“We are completely fucked,” Pidge stated blandly, “I’ve been treading water this whole time and the splash fight we had was _super_ competitive.” They were both a bit sensitive around Lance especially after his panic attack, but that wasn’t going to stop them from talking to each other.

Lance raised an eyebrow at Hunk who looked close to drowning. His nose was dangerously close to dipping beneath the water.

“Seems like you guys should go relax on the sand or something,” Lance nodded at Hunk who nodded in agreement. Pidge didn’t seem to agree.

“That sounds like something a pussy would do, we should go see if we can find something to do along this beach,” Pidge grinned widely waving off Lance’s concern, before wading as fast as they could back to the shore. Lance made eye-contact with Hunk who just accepted his fate and paddled over slowly, Lance on his tail. Although Pidge was determined they have a good time in the waves, they couldn’t stop Hunk flopping onto his beach towel, immediately falling asleep. Lance snorted at Pidge as they grumbled something about disloyal friends before stomping off with Lance in tow. They passed Shiro, Allura, and Coran who were all still hyper focused on their sandcastle which had now seven stories, a moat, and at least three tall towers. They seemed proud, Shiro grinning at their masterpiece seemed to give it away. Lance and Pidge nodded at them as they passed.

As they walked along the beach for a while, they came across some aliens. They were friendly with an aura of chillness that seemed to float from the surfer-dude attitude. There was a stack of surf boards behind one of them. Lance’s mouth almost watered at the sight.

“So, nice planet you’ve got here,” Lance started a conversation with the guy with the surfboards, he had green webbed hands with three fingers, his head was grossly over-proportioned with gills stretching from the top of his head to the base. To match his gills, he had stripes all over him, or at least the most of him that Lance could see. He was wearing a loose-fitting skirt with two slits on each side for his long legs, the alien was tall. Lance would’ve been intimidated if it weren’t for his relaxed nature.

“Yeah it is man,” the alien said. Although ‘said’ was a slightly loose word for what happened when he spoke. It was more like if the ocean had a voice, whispery and rusty. “It’s never done us wrong.”

“Do you surf?” Lance asked, eyeing the boards behind him.

The alien laughed, “Of course man, who doesn’t?” He looked Lance and Pidge up and down, “What planet are you from?”

This time Pidge spoke up, “Earth, don’t know if you’ve heard of it, it’s pretty far from here.”

“Yeah man, can’t say I’ve heard of it,” he took a breath, “the name’s Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul, but my friends call me Elf, feel free to call me Elf.”

“Lance,” Lance pointed at himself, “and this is Pidge, nice to meet you Elf.”

Elf just smiled and put up a peace sign. How does he know what a peace sign is? Lance thought to himself.

“What are you doing so far from this Earth planet?” Elf asked tilting his head.

“We’re the defenders of the universe, Voltron, if you’d ever heard of us,” Pidge explained.

Elf laughed again, “course I’ve heard of Voltron! You guys are doing good in a universe that seems to only know bad, I wish you the best of luck.”

Lance grinned sheepishly while Pidge scratched the back of their neck. Compliments are nice and all, but seriously, does _everyone_ have to know who they are?

“What are you guys doing _here_ of all places,” Elf questioned.

“We’re taking a quick vacation,” Lance answered, “just long enough to recuperate.”

Elf nodded, “fair enough, universe saving is a tough job. I hope they while you’re here you at least plan to surf.”

“We would, but we don’t have any boards. I would personally love to teach my friends how to ride a wave,” Lance said wishfully.

“How about I lend you some for your vacation? I’ll help you carry the needed boards for your friends,” Elf offered.

Lance’s eyes went wide in surprise. Holy fuck, they were going to surf. Some boards to ride the waves with, _nice_! “That would be amazing Elf!”

Elf just threw up a peace sign.


	5. Chapter 5

They passed Shiro and the gang again. This time, the castle had expanded into a small village. Small cottages surrounded the castle with little roads winding around them. A drawbridge was currently being built by Coran who was taking instructions from Shiro. Another three towers were added in the time they had been walking. Lance just stared in awe at the expanding town.

They walked along a tad bit further before coming across Keith and Hunk. Keith was now awake, standing up from his towel and brushing the sand off his calves. Lance waved him over. Keith came over to the three of them, looking somewhat confused.

“Where are you going?” He asked looking back and forth from Lance and Pidge, then eyeing Elf, “and who’s this?”

“We’re gonna find some waves,” Pidge stated bluntly, “and this is Elf, he lent us these boards.”

Keith just nodded. What was he supposed to say? How did you find this alien? He just nodded and motioned for Pidge to lead the way. They grinned at Keith and Lance before walking in front of them with Elf, apparently chatting about Earth customs and the planet they were currently standing on.

Keith and Lance followed behind them, Lance with a glint in his eye. God, it had been ages since he’d last been surfing. He could almost feel the wind in his hair, (back when he had a mullet that is), it was the most freeing feeling he had ever experienced. The only thing that could ever compare was when he rode with Keith on his motorcycle back on earth. He snuck a glance at Keith just to admire him, as he knew Keith would get weirded out if he knew Lance was looking at him. He took in every detail on the man, the way his shoulders were sculpted from his training, the small mole on his back, the way his hair flew behind him like a cape. Lance didn’t want to drag his eyes away but he had to.

Pretty soon, the quartet had arrived at what was definitely the best beach for surfing Lance had ever seen. The waves were massive further out, slowly diminishing until they were perfect for beginners. The sand was smooth and hard, perfect for carrying boards on. Not a cloud in the sky nor a negative thought in his mind, Lance grinned widely. He glanced over at Elf, gaining the aliens approval for a board before picking a slightly longer than average one and setting out. Haste almost got the best of him as Lance tripped on one of the angry little crabs, which could have sent him headfirst into the waves, but luckily, he caught himself.

Lance took a breath to calm himself down. Can’t surf if your mind is going a million miles an hour. He took one more deep breath before wading in. Hopefully his surfing skills hadn’t lessened much since his departure from Cuba. It really had been years since he had surfed. The realisation hit him like a brick. A brick that was filled with longing and homesickness. Lance shook his head. He would deal with those emotions later, currently he needs to focus on the task at hand. Lance took another deep breath, this time to smell the waves. They had the exact same smell as the beaches back home. He frowned. Slowly the waves in front of him morphed into the ones he was oh so used used to from home. Their curves enticing him like a beautiful woman. It only took him a few steps into the water before Lance was wading in as fast as he could. He pushed himself on top of his board before beginning to paddle. The familiar feeling of a board under him and a wave in front of him almost brought Lance to tears. Lance’s legs were flat against the board, keeping him balanced as his hands scooped the water. He passed over a rather small wave. The weightlessness that accompanies the push of the wave brought back another bout of homesickness.

Lance paddled out further, until he was at optimal wave distance. Soon enough, a large wave was approaching him. Lance grinned at it, spinning his board around so he was facing the right way before beginning to paddle again. He pushed against the pull of the wave as it got closer. As he scooped faster the wave pulled him and his board towards it, Lance popped up. His feet wobbled from uncertainty, the board tilting slightly to the left. Lance knew it was going to topple if he couldn’t focus himself. Lance grit his teeth, the board shaking from the wave beneath it, its rider unsure of his capabilities.

He closed his eyes.

Inhale.

Exhale.

He let his body relax. Let his feet grip onto the board without tensing them. The wave was far from over, he still had time to fix his stance. Still had time to spend with his friends. Still had time to fix himself.

Lance opened his eyes.

His body suddenly loose, Lance let himself go. He swirled the board from left to right, suddenly back in control. He pushed forward laughing. The board rattled underneath him. The wave he was currently riding started to curve over him from behind, encircling him, letting Lance glide his hand through its crystalline inner surface. Lance was breathing again. At least, it felt like it. He could see the bright sun right in front of him, just outside of this tunnel. Lance pushed forward yet again to reach it.

Lance escaped the tunnel just as it came crashing down, saltwater licking up his back from the splash. He was getting closer to the shore now; his board was coming close to scraping the sand. His board swivelled around, moving from side to side as he slowed down towards the coast. Lance decided he was close enough to he shore just as he hopped off, landing thigh-high in the water. The cold from the water was a shock from the warm sun beating on his back.

Lance was panting. The rush from surfing was far from wearing down. He looked up, making eye-contact with his friends who were still on the shore. Lance hauled his body and himself up to meet them. As he approached them, he was met by stares of awe, most of all from Pidge.

“Dude, I had no idea you knew how to surf!” Pidge exclaimed, throwing their arms out wide.

Lance looked down and shook his head, “It’s been a while.”

Pidge scoffed playfully, “No shit, how many years in the Garrison did you decide not to mention or talk about this? Oh yeah that’s right, all of them!” They slapped his arm gently.

“It was nothing, please, all I did was ride through a crashing wave c’mon,” Lance rolled his eyes.

“Hey, that’s more than either of us can do, although I’m sure Elf could fucking wreck you on those waves,” they nodded towards the Alien who was wistfully watching the waves.

“Okay, I’m not sure he would ‘wreck’ me entirely- “

“Nope, he definitely will. You may have style points, but Elf is one sexy alien,” Pidge winked playfully at Elf. 

“Technically you are the aliens here,” Elf pointed out.

“Yeah Lance, you don’t stand a chance against Elf,” Keith added.

“Okay god, Elf’s amazing, but we haven’t even seen him surf yet.” Lance changed the direction of their conversation.

“If you would like to watch, I’m just about to head out,” Elf picked up what was certainly his board, with carvings of alien symbols in it’s wooden surface, before stepping into the waves.

They all stayed behind to watch as Elf glided into the ocean, the waves seemed to push him exactly where he wanted to go. They watched in awe as he showed them the way of the waves, and caught a wave almost instantly. Whilst on that wave he did a solid three jumps. Lance knew he was beaten.

As Elf trailed back to shore, his body seemed to demand him back to the water. He walked back up to the group.

“How was that?” Elf asked.

“Amazing. I can't wait to rub it into Lance’s face later, but for now teach me how to surf like that.” Pidge demanded.

Elf grinned.

Pidge grabbed a board and headed out into the water. Lance watched as Pidge tried to stand on their board before inevitably falling from it. Elf chuckled and waded out to them, grabbing the board and pulling Pidge above the surface. Pidge shook their head, water splashing all over Elf. He grinned.

Lance turned away from the scene in front of him, to Keith, who was squatting next to the boards, running a hand along a particularly glossy red one. Lance felt lucky to have such a good friend, (and an attractive one at that). Lance couldn’t help his heart thumping a bit harder every time he saw him. He moved and squatted next to him, watching his bare back reflect the suns. His eyes were soft as he noticed Lance looking at him, but were heavily contrasted by his sharp eyebrows. It was wonderful how relaxed Keith was with him, especially since he was usually so tightly strung. They made eye contact for a second, before Lance looked away. He felt his cheeks heat up slightly before standing up. Keith stood up as well, clearing his throat. They both took their boards out to the water 

To begin teaching Keith how to surf, Lance started with the pop-up. He taught Keith how to push up from the board into the proper stance. Keith picked this up quick, his strength obviously helping. Lance was proud of Keith for picking it up so quickly. Lance eventually didn’t have to signal when the perfect time to pop up was. A medium wave was approaching from behind them, arching over Lance as he paddled hard to keep his board’s momentum. Keith on the other hand with no experience whatsoever, tipped sideways and was sent crashing into the water faster than you could say ‘hilarious’. Lance laughed as Keith appeared above water, shaking his hair like a dog to rid it of water. In fact, Lance laughed so hard he was tipped from his board himself. The board slipped from beneath him, skidding away as he landed ass-first into the cold water. When he came up, spitting out water, he noticed Keith laughing at him. He joined in. Lance motioned to Keith to grab his board before it floated away. They both laughed again as Keith was dumped by a wave Lance managed to dive under. Keith just shook his head again.

The two splashed around like this for what felt like hours, until Keith finally managed to catch his first wave without falling off. He pumped his fist in the air just as he stepped from his board. Lance watched him, warmth filling his chest. 

Lance took it upon himself to outdo his last attempt at surfing. Now that he and Keith had messed around in the water for a while, he felt confident enough to try some tricks. Lance began paddling out again. This time it was different. His mind was clear, his legs steady. His board was like another limb, swaying with his body each time he cleared a wave. Saltwater burned the back of his throat as he toppled over another wave. He noticed a larger than average wave approaching him. Grinning, Lance positioned his arms and pushed out towards it. He began his usual routine of paddling as fast as he could as the wave bunched up behind him. Just as he was caught in the wave, Lance popped up. He skidded along the wave, building up speed for his next trick. The wave roared in his ears as Lance turned the tip of his board upwards. Just as the wave began crashing Lance was launched into the air. His hand instinctively grabbed his board, and for a brief second, Lance could see his friends watching him. They seemed impressed. His board crashed down tip-first into the water, skating along the surface as he turned into the curve of the wave. Lance pressed slightly on the back of his board to turn up a spray of water, slowing him down. He turned off the wave and pushed towards Keith. He waited until he was close enough to Keith that the splash would catch him and then stepped off of his board.

Keith yelled as he was splashed, the board narrowly missing him. They spent the rest of the day like this, splashing around in the water, riding waves, and getting dunked. They were all exhausted by the time they made their way back to Shiro, Hunk, Allura, and Coran. The suns were setting, and the sky turned an orange and pink gradient. Along the way, they said goodbye to Elf who had a couple of his friends come find him and help take the boards back. The team was exhausted, but not enough so that they couldn’t admire the sand kingdom that was built in front of them. The detail in the castle was astounding. The was an interior as well as an exterior. Lance could see a little chair in the castle. The sprawling city was at least three metres in diameter and along each street there were street lights and garbage cans. It was well and truly a little city. He watched as one of the shitty little crabs ran along one of the streets and knock over a street light. 

Allura, Shiro, and Coran looked dazed. Allura was staring forward without really focusing on anything and Shiro was dusting his thighs off without realising that by dusting them off he was just getting more sand on them. They were also utterly exhausted.

After packing up his towel, Lance decided to head in for the night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revitalize

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! Chapter 6. I'm putting these out simply because I know I will not upload them if I read through my old writing later on :D. Oh well, hopefully you guys like this! I did put a lot of effort into it. Anyway, Enjoy!

Lance was sitting on his bed. As the castle was parked just to the side of the beach, it wasn’t a large walk back to it. His friends had long since retired to their rooms, their exhaustion flooding the castle with a silky warm haze. Everyone was a good kind of tired. Lance felt like he could collapse, but not in the way he had grown used to, when he would collapse from agony instead of- 

Stop. Lance shook his head. He couldn’t go down this train of thought, he couldn’t let this horrid memory ruin his time at the beach. Lance stood up and removed his towel from his bed. Coran had handed them out before they entered the castle, attempting to stop the flood of sand and water about to deface the interior of the castle. Lance dumped the towel in his laundry basket and made his way to his private bathroom.

Lance turned on the hot water and waited for it to turn warm. The water took only a few moments until it warm warm enough to step into, so Lance did so. The hot water poured on his dry hair, flattening the weird angles it had dried at. A sigh escaped him, exhaustion creeping through his veins. He tried to think of nothing as he washed off. Nothing but the pattering of water hitting the shower floor, of steam turning the glass opaque. He washed off, rinsing the sand out of nooks and crannies until he couldn’t feel it’s coarse nature against him. He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, pulling a fresh towel from the bench next to him and toweling off. It was soft and fluffy, keeping the lightly grazed skin on his thighs from aching. It felt odd. The soft feeling of a towel against him. He was used to much worse by now. Lance stopped this thought by shaking his head and pulling out a jar of moisturizer. It was his vanilla one.

Lance unscrewed the lid and dipped two fingers into the cream. He scooped out a small amount and lathered his elbows first. He glided it lazily over his warm skin. Finishing his arms, Lance moved onto his legs. The smooth lotion he hadn’t missed until right now as his legs were silky to the touch again. The soft rubbing motion was calming and familiar, nothing painful or foreign, as he was starting to grow used to the unease. It was a jarring sensation to say the least. He felt off, like something was wrong. The feeling of warmth the bloomed in his chest contrasted the heavy, lead that resided in his heart. It was like he was watching someone else apply the lotion to his body. The entire day now felt like it had happened a million years ago. The horrors that had happened to him had swirled and implanted themselves firmly in his weak mind. By now they were gestating ferociously, growing like the beast they were. His mind was full of a child made from disgusting brown sludge and was preparing itself for the next nine months, when it would explode from his forehead like Athena from Zeus, bursting its ugly contents in the form of a panic attack. Lance could feel it now, biding its time, waiting for the perfect moment to rear its hideous head and bring Lance to his knees. 

Lance shook his head violently like a wet dog, as if to dislodge the ideas that were wrecking his peace of mind. He needed to talk to someone. It was a split second decision that had Lance pulling on his soft pajamas and leaving the bathroom. He carded a hand through his wet hair, shaping it quickly before leaving his room. The lights in the hallway immediately woke up when he entered it, bringing the hallway to a soft glow. It was dark enough that nobody else should wake up from his late night escapades. It was deadly silent as everyone had retreated to their rooms hours ago. Lance crept across the hall silently and made his way to Keith’s door. Keith’s room was closest, plus, Lance had a strange urge to want to talk to him.

Lance waited at the door for a moment. What if Keith shooed him away? It was the middle of the night after all. Would Keith do that to him?

Only one way to find out.

Lance waved the door open, and entered Keith’s room.

It was eerily quiet. Something which Lance was all too familiar with. When he entered Keith’s room, Lance had expected an immediate reaction, a bang, sirens to go blaring as Keith‘s booby-trapped room sprung him into various deadly traps. The silence sung out in a high-pitched ringing noise. Lance let out a breath he was holding in. He had been so tense without even realising it. He walked quietly over to Keith, who was asleep on his side, facing towards Lance. He took a moment to observe. The harsh features of Keith’s face that were usually twisted in a snarl or a frown were delicately soft when he was asleep. His cheeks were a soft dusty pink with his eyelashes gracing them gently. His lips were no longer pressed into a sarcastic, thin line, but instead given the chance to rest open and calm. Lance knew he should stop. He tapped Keith’s shoulder.

Keith whipped awake. His eyes were wide and glaring, a knife being pulled from underneath his pillow. His ass hit the floor as Keith leaped out of bed and tackled him. Before he knew it, Lance was pinned down by Keith’s blade. Lance’s hands were open, surrendering. Keith took a moment to realise it was Lance and sighed before climbing off of him.

“Sorry,” he said gruffly, scratching the back of his neck and sitting back down on his bed “just my training.”

Lance was flabbergasted. “Jesus Christ, what did they do to you in the Blade?”

Keith grumbled out a laugh and pet the bed next to him, Lance stood up and brushed himself off. Lance sat down. They were silent for a moment before Keith addressed the obvious, “So, what are you doing here?”

Lance blushed. His collar felt hot. After speaking with Keith for not even a minute, Lance was utterly convinced it was a bad idea. The obvious problem here was the fact that Keith was a very logical man. He wasn’t one to understand much about emotions and that was exactly what Lance needed right now. He should’ve just gone to Pidge or something, they would’ve consoled him and given him the attention that he needed. 

At least, that’s what Lance thought he needed.

“Lance, what’s wrong?” Keith knocked him out of his stupor, “your face got all scrunched up,” he gestured to Lance’s furrowed brows, “and you didn’t answer me.”

Lance blinked hippie surprise. Oh, maybe Keith isn’t so socially stumped. “I just-“ It took Lance a moment to remember why he was there, “I just was having some trouble with my thoughts. . .” Lance trailed off.

Keith nodded, as if he understood what Lance was going through completely. Lance had barely said anything yet Keith was reading him like a book.

“Wanna talk about it?” Keith asked, slouching, resting his head on his propped up hand. He tilted his head at Lance.

Lance took in a deep breath and sighed, squaring up mentally. “Yeah…”

Keith eyed him and raised an eyebrow.

Lance tore his eyes away from Keith’s. “It’s not even about the memories anymore,” he whispered, as if it were taboo, “it’s the fact that they could come back anytime and ruin my day. It’s the fact that no matter what we do I can feel them wriggling around in my brain and dragging me down.” His voice was louder now, “Today was the only day I’ve had any rest from them, and now it’s over and I don’t know what to do.”

Lance hadn’t realised that he was panting until Keith rest a hand on his rising and falling back. Lance didn’t have the energy to stiffen up and shy away, instead sinking into the warm feeling of Keith’s hand. Keith seemed to notice his friend’s attempt at closeness and pulled Lance to his chest, letting Lance rest. His chest was hard from training, his arms strong and comforting as they wrapped around him. Lance felt like he could melt into his embrace. Keith held him like this for a while letting Lance absorb before letting him go. Lance looked him in the eyes and realised what he was about to ask was a tad embarrassing.

“Do you reckon I could spend the night here?”

Keith just nodded and laid back on his bed. He tapped his chest, beckoning Lance over. Lance took this for what it was, and laid his head on Keith’s chest. Keith immediately wriggled into a more comfortable position, wrapping his arms back around Lance, cupping the back of his head and gently pulling him into his chest. Lance sighed and snuggled in, letting Keith tangle a hand in his slightly damp hair. It felt nice as Keith petted his hair, pulling a couple of strands to the side before letting them drop. 

Lance took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, reveling in the closeness. Keith rest his other hand on Lance’s back, effectively holding him in an embrace. Lance felt as Keith laid his head back on the pillow. Keith’s hand moved from playing with Lance’s hair to tracing patterns on his forehead. Each pattern was an intricate design with seemingly no plan. It tickled slightly, but in a pleasing and soothing way. It was all too familiar. He remembered his mother doing the same thing to him. Keith moved from his forehead to behind his ear, to his neck, to his face. He traced a gentle finger over the one eyelid not pressed into his chest. 

Lance sighed, opening his eye and looking up at Keith. Keith’s head was staring up at the ceiling as his hands felt Lance in an intimate way. The room seemed dull in comparison to Keith. It’s dark purple shadows nothing compared to the violet of Keith’s eyes. It’s starlight chalky compared to Keith’s skin. Lance thought he looked aglow in the starlight brushing past his window. He was strong, protective, yet gentle and caring for his friends feelings. Lance felt any remaining tension leave him as he saw Keith in this new light.

“You know,” Keith muttered quietly, “this is what my dad would do with me when I was upset. He’d let me cuddle him until I stopped crying.” 

Lance hummed, “why were you crying?”

Keith took in a deep breath and held it for a second, before releasing. “Usually something stupid, like I stubbed my toe, but sometimes about mum, or the kids at school, or being suspended.”

It was a sad thought. A little Keith crying, taking comfort in his father, only for his father to be taken away. Lance could imagine how Keith would cry after his father had passed. How he had curled into a little ball and sobbed in the corner, the death of his father haunting him. Lance saw this in blistering detail, the sadness of it getting to him.

Lance pressed his face into Keith’s chest, letting the soft material of Keith’s shirt absorb any stray tears.

“What’s wrong,” Keith asked, probably feeling Lance’s tears seeping through his shirt.

“Nothing just-“ Lance wobbled for a second,”-it’s stupid and it’s not your fault, it’s just my stupid mind twisting your words. You didn’t even mention your dads death yet I couldn’t help but imagine how you would’ve cried when he died.”

The hand, now back in his hair, stopped petting. Keith didn’t respond immediately. He instead stilled, freezing up.

“Yeah,” he said, in a breathless tone,”I really did cry when he died. Wasn’t ready to deal with that at that age.”

Lance felt so guilty and horrible for bringing it up. Him and Keith were having a nice moment and he went and fucked it up. Now it was awkward and Keith probably didn’t want to talk anymore. Stupid Lance, always ruining everything. He felt himself shrivel and curl into Keith. He was half expecting Keith to move away from him after what he brought up, but Keith remained there.

“Hey, hey, Lance stop it.” Keith wrapped both on his arms around Lance’s torso, pulling him up from under his armpits. Lance made a noise he would never admit to, as Keith man-handled him. He lifted Lance and rest him beside him, keeping both of his arms around him. They were laying side by side, with Keith holding him as close as possible. He pressed their chests together. Lance rest his chin on Keith’s shoulder, nuzzling into Keith’s neck. He wrapped his hands around Keith’s waist, pressing his open palms to the small of his back. It felt safe. It felt secure. Lance was no longer crying, but instead pulling himself together. 

They sat like that for a second, Keith’s hand curling back into his hair. It was not as soft or as gentle as a woman’s, but just as tender. Lance could feel a connection forming between the two of them, but couldn’t quite put his finger on what type it was. His relaxed wandering mind took some time to consider this. He decided to list the things that he knew that would effect their relationship,A) he was bisexual, there was no getting past that that made what they were doing now seem a tad inappropriate for friends. It was a silly way of thinking about it, friends should be able to cuddle, no matter their sexuality, yet, Lance couldn’t help but want a little more. B) Keith was gay. Which, again, shouldn’t mean anything, but kind of does. And C) not many friends held onto each other the way they were now. Lance lifted one of his legs and wrapped them around Keith. Keith responded by pushing one of his legs between Lance’s, entwining them further. Lance was confused.

Lance didn’t think as he drifted off to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I am going to be posting the rest of this over the next couple of weeks maybe, as I have finally finished writing it, I just need to do some final edits. :))) I'm so excited to get it outtt.

The team spent the next week and a half relaxing on the beaches. They explored further along them, coming across some local civilisations, all giving out food for all. Each town had a beta version of communism working perfectly, as nobody wanted to own more than they needed and a surfboard. Each team member was given something to eat and drink and they pondered along the beach quietly. It was quite refreshing to see life still continuing, even in such dark times. An untouched pocket of happiness and relaxation. Lance was quietly watching Keith walk along the sand, his back muscles still slightly wet from the surfing. It was a sight to behold. Lance tore his eyes away, instead choosing to look at Pidge.

Lance noticed, as they were strolling along a gritty beach, that Pidge was being awfully quiet. He decided to investigate.

“Hey Pidge,” he said as he jogged to catch up to the fast-walking green paladin, “What’s up?”

Pidge snorted and turned to look at Lance. They were wearing a pair of aviators and a green one-piece swimsuit, black swimmer trunks overtop. They were looking fairly pale in the glaring sunlight.

“The sky, dickhead, what do you want?” They tipped their aviators and looked at Lance over them.

Lance scoffed playfully,”just wanted to talk, jeez.”

“Alright, spit it out then. What did you want to ask?”

Lance looked them up and down, “You’ve been quite quiet lately, and I was just wondering if you’re okay?”

Pidge froze. Lance stopped with them. Silence followed. The suspicion that Lance had had was immediately confirmed by Pidge’s reaction. Pidge ran a hand through their hair, tugging at the tips. A red flag tripped in Lance’s mind.

“Pidge?” 

They took their glasses off and hung them off their shirt. They rubbed their eyes. When Lance looked at them again, they looked bloodshot and red. Lance felt acid bubble up his throat. 

“Follow me.” Pidge led Lance away from the walking group, all of which had progressed further down the beach. The team looked happy, Hunk was pointing at Allura who had tripped over one of the angry little crabs and was now running away from their little red pincers. Lance looked away. They walked off of the beach, into a grove of nearby trees. Moss covered the rocks they were stepping on; it was soft underneath Lance’s feet. Pidge checked to make sure no one was following them before turning to Lance.

“Can you keep a secret?” They spoke to Lance in a quiet voice. 

“Pidge what the fuck is this?” Lance scowled, fear filling his already clouded mind.

“Can you keep a secret Lance.” They growled, “I need to know.”

Lance brows furrowed, “Yes I can, now really, spit it out.”

Pidge took a deep breath, before making eye contact with Lance.

“I think there’s a spy amongst us,” they whispered, looking away, “I don’t know who yet, but the data I have is infallible.”

“Pidge what the fuck-“ 

“Someone on our team has different biorhythms that messed with the castles inbuilt scanners and sent an alert straight to my computer.” Pidge interrupted Lance. “I connected them so I would know if there was an intruder and their species if they went past them. Right after you got back and the team arrived the scanners went off, and someone with human-like biorhythms triggered them, but they weren’t like the rest of the team. They were oddly Galran, and not in the way Keith is. It didn’t look  _ alive _ . It was if they were made of Galran tech. I only saw this last night when I checked the scanners, so I looked over all the footage from the security cameras from when you got back to now and nobody has snuck on. Which means that one of us is not like the others, and we don’t know who.”

Pidge released a massive breath. Now that Lance had a closer look, he could see that under their eyes were light purple bags, that their lips were pressed tightly together, and that the ruffled mess of their hair wasn’t just from the beach, but also stress. Lance felt awful for not noticing before. His thoughts were straining to swirl again, but he pressed them down. Pidge didn’t need this night now, they were clearly stressed enough. Lance would have to deal with himself alone, for now at least.

“Is there anything I can do to help find out who it is.” Lance asked.

Pidge shifted, “Surprisingly, yes, I have a plan.” They looked around as if they were waiting to be caught, “first, we call the team to the lounge room, there’s a scanner on each of the doors there, we should be able to call them in two at a time. So, I’ll call in Hunk, and Shiro and check them, then you call in Allura, and Coran, then Keith. We’ll check everyone and find out who the mole is-“ A sinister look took over Pidge’s face.

“-And  _ eliminate _ them.” 

Lance nodded. Pidge led them back out of the grove, and back onto the sand. They caught up to the team. Lance was nervous. The hairs on his arms were sticking up alongside the goosebumps that had risen. The team smiled at him and Pidge, as a friendly greeting, but even that made Lance’s legs turn to jelly. One of them coughed and Lance almost jumped, but managed to catch himself before he alerted the team. Even despite the lovely warm weather, and relaxed team, he was feeling overwhelmed. Lance took in deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart. The anxiety felt like it was going to drown him. It was pouring through his veins like a sludge, clogging up his arteries and filling his throat. 

Lance’s eyes danced across the beach, scanning the water, as if something were to emerge and attack him. When he glanced at his friends, his heart began beating even faster. The fact that one of them was probably made from metal disguised as his friend, acting their compassion, before finally one day betraying him and returning him right back to his own personal hell - that fact - really fucked him over. Lance couldn’t help but watch as everyone of his friends apart from one drag him back to the cell that had broken him. Lance was overwhelmed. 

A calloused hand rest on his back. Lance jumped around five feet in the air. 

“Fuck!” He shouted.

“What the fuck Lance, are you okay?” Keith, the guy who just rest a hand on his back, and pulled him out of his pit, said, concerned, “Have you injured your back?”

Lance shook his head and rest it in his hands. “No,” he muttered, “No, no, I’m not injured, I’m fine, just. . . Jumpy.”

Keith pulled one of Lance’s hands away from his face. Lance flinched. Keith released him. “Clearly you’re not okay, tell me what’s wrong.”

Lance hunched over, “No, no, no, you don’t need to worry it’s nothing.” Keith reached over to pat him on the shoulder, Lance inched away.

Keith looked at him with a sad look in his eyes.

“It’s okay,” Keith pat him on the shoulder gently, careful not to linger for too long, “You can tell me when you’re feeling better, or never if that’s what you want. You don’t have to tell me anything, it’s okay.”

Lance felt like screaming. Or crying. His body was going through all the different stages of grief all in one moment. Lance could feel his mind telling him to both confess and lock away all his emotions at the same time. He just nodded sharply at Keith and kept walking. They continued down the beach but Lance could feel Keith’s eyes watching him.

The team had almost made their way back to the castle and the lions when it happened.

Lance kept his head down. Making sure that nobody could see the panic in his eyes the entire rest of the walk. It wasn’t until the sand beneath him and his team were suddenly covered in shadow that he looked up. First at the team who were all gazing skyward, then he joined them.

There it was.

Low hanging in the sky was a Galra battle ship, it’s shadow cast over the group. Hundreds more were appearing in the sky in a split second, their figures blocking out the two stars lighting up the planet. The lilac lights that decorated the exteriors of all the ships slowly filled his vision.

“RUN!” Screamed Allura, who was sprinting towards the castle. The sharp smell of sweat and the taste of blood inundated Lance as he bit his tongue. He bolted. The wind blew his hair around and the first shot landed. A large, fiery explosion right behind him, launching him into the air as he was hit with a wave of heat.

For a moment Lance couldn’t feel the ground underneath his feet, legs dangling uselessly in the air before he smacked into the ground. The impact rocked him to his core. Ringing took over any sound Lance could’ve heard. Lance stood up as fast as he could. He could see the castle in front of him. Just a couple more metres. The rest of the team had already made it, he could see their sections of the hangar opening up and releasing their lions, while he was still running on the ground. 

He made it, the doors closing and sealing tightly as he continued running as fast as he could. He was winded, both from his fall and the running. Huge breaths hurt his bruised lungs as he panted. He feet pounded into the artificial ground, jolting up his legs. This was the type of pain he once was used to. The type that was brought on by choice, or at least by the doing of oneself. 

Lance flew to his chute and flung himself into his lion. It immediately powered up. Blue could feel his agony, and took care of launching and flying, so Lance could focus on attack. 

As soon as Blue had exited the hangar, Lance could see the whole battlefield. 

It wasn’t good.

Everyone was split up, in their own sections as they were pummeled by the ships. Keith was weaving through the field, taking out as many as he could without being tanked by one. Hunk and Pidge were taking hits left right and centre as they tried to protect the ship while Allura powered it up. Shiro had pulled Black into a massive clump of the ships, taking out as many as he could, trying to spare the rest of them.

The sky was full. 

Lance flicked up the comms, and was bombarded with screaming as Pidge took a hit. He winced at the sound of his friend and flew over to them. He dodged a ship and knocked it out of the sky by crushing its cockpit with the lions paws. Pidge was surrounded, hunk trapped in the middle next to them. Lance slammed into the wall of Galra and pushed his way to them. 

“Pidge, Hunk” He yelled.

“Oh god Lance, thank fuck.” Pidge panted, dodging another laser.

“Lance, were trapped.” Hunk groaned.

Lance shot down a Galra ship, “I need you to charge on the count of three.” They both agreed.

“One,” Lance pulled his lion to stay back to back with the other pairs.

“Two,” he grit his teeth.

“Three!” He yelled, charging into the pack of Galra. They tried to shoot them down and almost succeeded, but the sheer force of three Voltron lions was too much for the ships blocking them in. They smashed through them, as if they were made from brittle plastic that had been left in the sun for years. Hunks of metal flew from the exploding ships to the ground.

Lance panted. He looked down to the ground. That’s when he realised.

What about Elf and his friends? 

They were probably being crushed by the falling pieces of ship. He opened a com chat to all of the team.

“Guys, we need to pull this into space, we’re crushing the locals.” He called into the mic, grabbing Shiro and Allura’s attention.

“Good thinking Lance,” Allura cried out as she groaned with frustration as she attempted to start the ship. “I’ll get this bloody thing working then we’ll all draw them away.” She yelled as the castle was struck.

More noise surrounded him as he tried to fight back. It looked as if it was going to be a losing battle. There was simply too many of them. The best course of action would be to spare as many civilians as possible then telejump away. The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth as Lance bit his tongue. 

Silence flooded the comms. Lance quickly checked to see what was wrong, but couldn’t see anything. Everything looked to be in perfect order. Confusion inundated him. Perhaps it was a glitch? But the lions had never glitched before. What the fuck was going on? Lance could see his friends talking but couldn’t hear them. He called out to them, trying to get their attention, but it seemed they were having the same problem as him. His issues were quickly overruled as the blue lion’s window went black. Panic slammed into him as he realised he couldn’t see where he was flying, or the enemy ships surrounding him. The only thing Lance could see from his window were his friends faces in the comms. Pidge was frantically typing into something as the others were actively panicking.

Suddenly, a sound. The sound of a sword being released from a sheath cut into his ears as an image appeared on his blank window. His heart stopped as a large face appeared on his screen. The person standing there was oh so familiar. And so was the background. The purple fur, the sterilised grey walls, the piercing yellow eyes. Lance knew this monster, and boy wasn’t it a surprise to be seeing him again so soon. His head and eyes stilled as its mouth turned to a wicked grin. Time froze.

The silence trickled on as if in slow motion. A cool, crisp voice spoke, “Inferno.”

The burning started in his toes. Lance was fully fledged panicking as the window shut off and sound suddenly returned to the comms. It slowly crept up his body as he heard his friends calling out to him. Lance felt the boiling of his flesh begin again. The same agony that had crossed him once before returned. The black tar that had been swirling in his mind was coming forth and pushing itself out of Lance’s body. His mind was black with agony and tar. He felt his body spasming, his back arching as if he were pulled forward from a string from his sternum. Fire raced through his veins. Lance couldn’t see, he couldn’t speak, could  _ breath.  _ It hurt, it hurt so much, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t see what he was doing but he could feel it. He could feel as his hands took hold of the controls of his lion and started flying it. He couldn’t control his body, couldn’t see through his eyes, couldn’t stop the pain.

The logical part of Lance’s brain knew that he was being controlled by someone. He could tell that he was a puppet to a puppeteer’s strings. The other side of his brain told him that he should do anything to stop the pain, even if it meant hurting his friends.

Lance couldn’t decide what to do, unable to even think clearly enough to make a decision. However, as soon as Lance felt his finger hover over the button on his controls that would shoot whatever his target was, he knew he had to fight. 

Lance yelled as the pain only grew in intensity as he fought. He pulled his arms back as far as he could, which was about a few centimetres, before it launched him forward, pressing the button. Lance cried out. He tried again, and again, but nothing was working. He could hear his lasers cannons firing and charging quickly back up. His brain couldn’t focus, it felt as if someone was inside of his mind and was taking up most of the space, leaving him with only a portion of his brain to fight with. Lance sobbed internally as he felt his portion of brain shut down.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Redirected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He we gooo, second chapter of the day!!

He woke with a start. 

The world looked hazy, white ceiling, white walls, dark, cold. Lance could feel the table underneath him. He could feel his ankles and wrists pinned down as he tried to pull them up. 

It took a moment, but a moment was all he needed. Lance felt the pure, undiluted terror flood his system, the familiarity of the rope’s rough texture bringing him only more pain. He had been captured again. He was back, back with the Galra, back in the scientist’s lab, back in hell.

Lance struggled, pulling against the ropes binding him, feeling his wrists chafe painfully. He cried out in anguish. His back arched. He tried to get some grip on the table with his legs but found they were also tied. His eyes flitted around the room, unable to process what they were seeing. All he could process was the stench of disinfectant that burned his nostrils and mind.

The sludge in his brain was back and was spewing from him like vomit. It was making him scream in agony at pain that wasn’t there. It made him dig his nails into his palms until they drew blood. Panic, panic, panic! That was all he could feel. It made him unable to do anything but sob in anguish at the fact that he was helplessly pinned to a table with no hope of ever escaping.

Lance screamed his throat bloody. The cold, metal bench wrought a wave of panic through him. Lance’s throat was burning. A shuddering breath shook him from head to toe. He tried to breathe in again, to calm down.

He calmed long enough to look around. There was a table next to Lance that was made from the same cold metal that was Lance’s bench. He inched up, trying to look around the room, but there was nothing more to see, other than the door.

Just as Lance looked over at the door, it opened. His breath started to quicken. He pushed against his restraints. It was deathly silent as the person who opened the door, stepped inside. Time froze.

It was Shiro.

“Shiro!” Lance cried, unbelieving of the overwhelming goodness the gods were capable of “Shiro, Shiro please help me, I’m tied down, fuck I-“

“Shut it, Lance!” Shiro spat, avoiding eye contact, “if we can even call you that.”

Lance was stumped for a moment, “Yes you can call me that, what the fuck Shiro-“

Shiro cut him off again, “Pidge said they told you about the scanners going off, do you remember what they said?”

Lance looked confounded at Shiro. Did he remember what Pidge told him? Of course he did.

“Tell me  _ now _ Lance!”

“Uhh-“ Lance started, “They told me that someone had snuck onto the castle and had infiltrated our team, and that they were clearly Galran, but that something was off about them.” 

Shiro crossed his arms, “that’s right, but do you know what they forgot to tell you?”

“Shiro! We don’t have time for games, the Galra are going to come back. Untie me please-“

“They forgot to mention that they knew exactly what type of tech was found.” Shiro interrupted, cutting Lance off. Lance shuddered. “Pidge knew that the tech that was picked up by the scanners was running on the same frequency as human brains do, and that it had multiple connection ports, do you know what that means Lance?”

“I-I don’t know what-“

Shiro growled, “It means that whoever, or  _ what _ ever it is can connect to all of us, to the team. It can download our thoughts and read our fucking minds. Do you see how this could be an issue, Lance?”

Lance nodded, eyes wide in fear.

“You know, after you passed out we dragged you here and Pidge scanned all of us. And can you guess who the faulty plug is?”

His heart was pounding in his ears, blood rushing through his brain. Lance could feel his lungs growing tighter.

“You.”

Shiro raised a heavy fist. Time slowed. Lance turned his face struggling against his bonds as Shiro was getting ready to punch him. He watched as the steel fist came rushing toward him. 

“Stop!”

Lance’s eyes shot to the door as Shiro’s fist stopped midair, centimetres from his face.

“Don’t fucking hit him.” It was Keith, he was here to rescue Lance, yet again.

“It’s not a ‘him’,” Shiro snarled, “It’s a robot.”

“You don’t get to decide that,” Keith whipped back.

The two were glaring at each other, Lance between them. He tried to sink into the table, looking back and forth between them. The tension was thick in the air like wax. Keith sunk down into a fighting stance, fists raised. Shiro puffed up his chest.

“Why are you protecting it Keith?” Shiro said, “It tried to kill us.”

“ _ He  _ is our friend,” Keith said roughly, “We are  _ not _ going to hit him.”

“It’s dangerous!”

“He’s  _ tied down _ ! How the fuck is he going to hurt you?” Keith snarled.

Shiro growled. “He’s dangerous because he can read our  _ fucking minds  _ Keith!” He leaped across Lance with a fist raised. Keith dodged the hit to the right and spun around with a right hook. Shiro took the blow without even a flinch. He glared at Keith, fire raging behind his eyes. 

Keith jumped back as Shiro tried to return the favour. Something was in the air. Or maybe it was just Lance, but he could feel a buzzing tension that only grew in size.

The two continued tousling, but Lance could barely keep up with the fight with how fast each punch was flying. They danced around each other, synchronized from their years of practise. Both of them trying to outsmart the other with unpredictable moves. Lance was watching intently, when something caught his eye. A glint in Shiro’s eye he hadn’t noticed before. In fact, Lance knew for a fact that Shiro didn’t have yellow glowing eyes. Now that he had picked up in them, Lance felt like he couldn’t ignore them. 

Keith whipped out of the way of another punch. Shiro was becoming more ferocious by the second. More punches flying than there were lions in Voltron, Shiro looked like he was trying to  _ kill _ Keith. Keith scooped down low and tried to trip Shiro over, but Shiro kicked him in the nose. Lance grimaced as he saw dark blood drip from Keith’s now wonky looking nose. 

“Back down now Keith, this isn’t between us.” Shiro warned.

Keith cracked his knuckles, “You know I love you Shiro, but right now, you’re being kind of an ass.”

Shiro lowered his guard for a second, eyes slipping back into their normal colour, for a split second Lance swore he saw Shiro drop a facade on his face, right before Keith punched him square in the face. Shiro fell to the ground with a thud. Unconscious.

Ringing filled the air.

Lance didn’t realise he was hyperventilating until Keith was looking over at him. He felt like a piece of juicy rump steak two rabid dogs had been fighting over. And now the winner was here for their spoils. The thought forced him to struggle.

Keith’s eyes rose from the unconscious Shiro on the ground. He was panting, body tense with adrenaline. Time was frozen for a second. His eyes snapped to Lance

Keith’s eyes scanned over his face. Lance turned his head to the side, trying to escape his prying stare. Just as he did however, Keith grabbed the sides of his face and forced him to look at him. Lance started into Keith’s eyes, hearing only his heartbeat and his own ragged breathing. Keith didn’t move for a second, scanning Lance’s eyes. 

A moment passed.

Keith let go of Lance’s face and quickly got to work at untying him. As soon as his wrists were loosened Lance shot up. Dizziness flooded him as Keith undid his ankles. He swung his legs over the side of the table. 

Lance only got a moment to think before Keith was wrapping his arms around him in a hug. Lance was shocked for a second, stiffening up. What was Keith doing? He took a moment to loosen, then tentatively hugging Keith back. This only made him squeeze tighter, pressing Lance’s face to his neck. Lance could feel the electricity buzzing between them. He pulled Keith closer to him and pressed his face to his neck. 

“I’m so sorry,” Keith muttered into Lance’s hair.

Lance took a moment to calm himself down. After everything that had just happened, he was still overwhelmed.

“What the fuuck, what the fuck,” Lance pushed Keith away, looking him in the eye, seemingly unable to find any better words, he guestured around the room, “What the actual fuck?”

Keith grimaced. “I don’t think I should be the one to tell you.”

Lance knew what he was talking about. His face dropped.

He swallowed, “That I'm the faulty plug?”

Keith’s eyebrows furrowed, “You knew?”

“Shiro told me.” Lance looked away. They were silent.

Keith sighed loudly and shook his head, pinching his brow, “Did you see Shiro’s eyes?” They were-”

“-Glowing yellow, yeah I saw,” Lance finished. He looked back up at Keith, whose own eyes were cast down. His lips were pressed together in a fine line. Lance was confused, but most of all, he was scared. If Shiro thought he was evil, what would the rest of the team think?

“What do you think that was?” Lance asked, as Keith drew his eyes from the floor again. 

“I don’t know Lance… I-“ he raked a hand through his hair, “I don’t know.”

Lance was silent. What was he supposed to think? That his team wanted him dead? That he had the ability to read minds? That he could connect to theirs and sell them out to the Galra? It was all too confusing and scary. He didn’t possess the knowledge or the skills needed to know what was actually going on. Lance pressed his fingers into his temples.

“We should talk to Pidge,” Keith said finally, breaking the silence that weighed on them. He began to stand up.

“Wait,” Lance stopped Keith. Keith’s brows furrowed even more, “Just wait a moment.” He took a deep breath. Then looked back at Keith. He knew what he wanted, he just didn’t know if he could say it. The words struggled to find their way off the tip of his tongue.

“Can we just hug for a second?” He almost whispered, wincing and leaning back. Keith was silent. Oh god he thought Lance was evil. “It’s okay, nevermind, that was stupid to ask.”

Keith stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Lance. Lance was frozen for a second, before melting. Lance pulled Keith’s head to his chest and held him close. He breathed in deeply, letting Keith feel his heartbeat. It felt like it had been forever since Lance had felt something so connected and vulnerable, in a good way. He was sick of feeling scared, sick of feeling like he had to remain strong. 

He pulled Keith tighter. Keith responded by rubbing small circles on his back. After a moment or so, Lance let go. He looked at Keith, acknowledging the pain that was in his eyes, but also seeing hope. Hope that Lance could be saved. Lance felt awkward.

“We should get Shiro out of here,” Lance said to break the silence. Keith nodded.

Lance positioned himself by Shiro’s left arm, while Keith scooped his arms under his right. On the count of three they lifted him up and dragged his body out of the room. While they were dragging Lance could finally see what was outside of the room. It was the castle alright, but some scientific grey and white washed lab with hints of a very specific Altean teal lighting scattered throughout it. One of the white walls of his interrogation room, which he could now see clearly into from outside, was a one-way glass window. Underneath that window was a desk covered in buttons and dials on a screen. He couldn’t read any of the labels on the buttons, but he did recognise one that had the same symbol on it from the Galran lab. A shiver went down his spine. Along one of the walls that wasn’t looking into his room, was a massive set of screens, each with different sets of data on it. Lance didn’t have time to look over it though, because as they were placing Shiro’s unconscious body on the ground, Pidge burst into the room. 

“What the fuck Keith!” They yelled as the door slammed into the wall next to it. Their eyesight shifted to Lance for a second, before squinting and snarling at him. Lance didn’t know what to say.

“Back off Pidge, Shiro was going to hit him,” Keith growled back. Lance looked between the both of them, thinking of ways to rectify the conversation, before Pidge shook their hands around and pushed past the both of them to the desk. They tapped a few buttons which brought up an image on the screen.

“Let me show you both something,” Pidge said. The image on the screen was something neither Lance of Keith wanted to see. It was of Lance in the cockpit of the blue lion, head back as far as it would go, back arched, arms tense and twitching. It was obvious when it was taken.

“Pidge, why are you showing us this, I thought you were mad at Keith?” Lance asked, his voice hushed, as if what he was saying was sacrilegious. 

Pidge glared at the both of them, before letting their scowl drop as they looked down and pressed two fingers into their temples. They took a moment before looking up.

“This is what Lance looked like when he freaked out, do you two see anything off about this picture?” They asked, looking exhausted. 

Lance took a step closer, eyes scanning over the image. Apart from his obvious twisted limbs, he couldn't’ see anything off. Keith seemed to come to the same conclusion as they both looked to Pidge and shrugged. Pidge sighed.

“Look at his eyes, seem different now?”

They both looked at Lance’s eyes, and sure enough, his eyes were glowing the same golden-yellow that Shiro’s were just a few minutes ago. Lance felt like he had been punched in the stomach.

“What does it mean?” Lance rasped. His mind felt like he was back on the table, filled with panic. Before Lance could spiral any further, Pidge spoke.

“Did you two look at Shiro’s eyes when he was attacking Keith?” They asked.

Both of them nodded.

“Then you see the resemblance,” Pidge said, “Well I have a theory. I think that although Lance is a connector, a plug that fixes the difference between Galra and Human, allowing them to meld his mind to the Galaran databases, whilst also merging with at least one human here, that Lance is not the connection itself, but rather something within him. I think that he’s been injected with something.”

“But that doesn’t explain why he freaked out in the red lion,” Keith added.

“True,” Pidge confirmed, “We will find the source of that as well, after this is figured out first, as it is our main concern.”

“Wait what?” Lance paused for a moment, shocked,” Are you implying that you’re going to fix me?”

Pidge rolled their eyes and put their hands on their hips,”Well duh, didn’t think we were going to leave you like _ this,  _ did you?” They waved their hand up and down Lance. 

Lance was in absolute shock. He was fully expecting to be shunned from the team. He was mentally preparing to be left behind and discarded. Why in the Universe did he think that? Lance should know and trust his team well enough to know that they wouldn’t leave him behind. He shook his head, feeling overwhelmed again. But this time, there was a spark of hope residing in his stomach.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> React

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, I decided to upload this one pretty soon after the other two because it is quite short. I hope y’all enjoy anyway;)

The next time Lance was on the table, he wasn’t scared. 

Well, he was kind of scared, but it was no longer the dreaded hopelessness that his friends had abandoned him and that he was going to die alone and scared on that counter. Now he had something to hold on to, he had hope. Hope that there was a way to fix him, to get him back to normal. No, now he wasn’t scared, more like nervous.

The room he was in was still that awful white colour, but now he could see through the once one-way wall. On the other side of the glass he could see Keith, Shiro, Hunk, and Allura. Shiro had apparently woken up from his unconscious state and forgotten everything after when he first walked into the white room. They all looked so worried, Hunk was fiddling with the sides of his shirt, while everyone else looked like they were desperately trying to not bite their nails. Except Keith, whose arms were crossed as he stared hopefully into the room. Him and Lance made eye-contact. Keith nodded and made a small smile reassuringly. Lance gripped the edge of the table on both sides until his knuckles turned white.

Next to him was Pidge and Coran. Coran was standing next to a small mirrored table on wheels covered in various medical instruments and fluids in bottles covered in altean writing. Pidge was hovering over their laptop which was hooked up to some strange looking machines that had tubes running into needles which Lance knew were probably going to be hooked into him. Their face was stern, eyebrows creased. Lance could always tell when Pidge was stressed because they would stoke their chin as if they had a beard, which was exactly what they were doing now. 

Pidge hummed, before stepping away from their laptop and looking over him. They pulled up their rubber gloves on their hands. They flicked back with a snap, the exact way they do in movies. Lance was sort of impressed. At least, for a moment he was, then his heart was back to pounding against his ribcage, his stomach a pit of boiling acid. Lance pushed the feelings down and focused on the fact that Pidge would never intentionally hurt him, at least not without a good purpose. 

Pidge nodded at Coran. He moved towards Lance and wiped down a small patch of skin on his upper arm with a cool, drying liquid. It felt like acetone. Lance could feel his skin going numb in that area. Coran then pulled one of the needles attached to the machine and slowly pushed it into his arm. Lance felt a pinch, but nothing else. He sighed in relief internally. That was before he felt the cold liquid pushing into him. He felt himself gag, retching internally, as the feeling of liquid entering his bloodstream was all too familiar. 

Pidge and Coran looked over him nervously, his adverse reaction to the needle apparently alarming. Lance didn't have time to focus on them, he was too busy dealing with his own mental hurdles. Deep breaths. In, out. In, out. He could feel the bile rising, the adrenaline flooding, his heart pounding. He pushed it all down.

His head snapped to the side, pleading for some visual relief from his pain. His eyes locked contact with Keith’s again. He could see the anxiety in Keith, but he could also feel the confidence, the hope. He saw that, although Keith looked extremely stressed, he also looked hopeful. Lance could work with that. 

More deep breaths. Lance almost didn’t notice when Pidge pulled up the recording of himself in the lion on the wall Lance was facing. He couldn’t hear anything over his own heavy breathing, but he watched as the on-screen Lance suddenly froze up, body convulsing, back arching, eyes glazing over and turning that horrible glowing yellow. Lance knew he couldn’t look away, as this is what Pidge was testing for, but the sight of himself in so much pain made Lance really uncomfortable. So he continued watching. He watched and watched and watched. Watched his hands use their muscle memory to turn his weapons to his friends.

The video shut off. 

“There’s no use torturing you further,” Pidge stated sadly, yet matter-of-fact, “At least, not without the desired effect. Coran,” they said, twirling their finger around in the air as if to say ‘one more time’, “pull up the audio higher as well this time as well please.”

Coran nodded and turned a dial up on the side of the machine Pidge’s laptop was plugged into. Lance managed to calm his breathing down enough to hear the video this time.

He watched, again, as he called out to his friends, as his monitors shut off, being replaced with the face of that evil man. He watched as the world around him became dark. He watched as his immediate future was taken away from him. Lance couldn’t turn his eyes away, couldn’t block his ears as the fateful work was once again said.

“Instincts.”

Immediately, Lance felt the difference. He felt as the overwhelming panic took over. His bloodstreams were flooded with something worse now, something ten times more potent than Pidge’s weak stuff. An alert blared out wildly on Pidge’s laptop. He felt as the fire burned its way up his body, threatening to overcome his head before swallowing him whole. It was chaos around him, fire, pain, darkness. He felt his back arch off the table, right before-

-Black.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relentless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here she is!!! The reason why Lance has been acting so strangely this whole time...

“Well at least we know the cause,” was the first thing Lance heard when he came to.

His head was heavy. He was filled with melted heavy metal, sloshing around in his skull. A groan escaped him as he tried to roll onto his side. The conversation around him ceased. He opened his eyes, the light from the room around him no longer the horrid bright white that caused him so much pain before, now a soft yellow glow. Lance lifted a heavy arm to block out the light anyway.

“Lance?” Someone asked.

“Mhmm.” Lance croaked out, voice weak from dehydration.

“Are you awake?” They asked.

“Yeah?” 

“Do you want to sit up?”

Lance fully opened his eyes this time and looked around. He was in the common area of the castle. His friends were sitting around with him, and he was laying on one of the couches. The only person who wasn’t there was Keith. Where was he? This question was answered when the pillow underneath his head shifted, revealing itself to be Keith’s lap. Oh, there he is.

“Yeah, sit me up,” Lance groaned as two arms snaked their way under his armpits and lifted him up as if he were as light as a baby. His eyes shot open when he was plopped down on the couch sitting upright. He slouched immediately.

When he had a proper look around the room he saw his anxious friends staring at him.

“What?” He asked innocently.

The whole team groaned. Allura pressed her fingers to her temples, while Shiro face-palmed. Pidge and Hunk looked at eachother, rolling their eyes. Keith just chuckled a little.

“Typical fucking Lance,” Keith said, shaking his head.

Pidge groaned again, “Y’know, if you weren’t such a dickhead I would’ve actually thought you had lost your memory of something. You were very convincing.”

“Well,” Lance pretended to flick a lock of hair over his shoulder, “I am quite dramatic.” 

“Oh shut up, we were worried,” Shiro butted in. 

“Yeah, yeah alright. I get it big boss man, no jokes on duty.” Lance rolled his eyes playfully, “Aye aye captain.”

“Well, technically, we’re not on duty,” Allura butted in, grinning.

“Shut up, ‘llura, I’m allowed to have fun,” Lance said.

“I thought you just said you weren’t,” Keith added.

“Oh shut up all of you,” Lance crossed his arms, “I’m the infected one so I get to make jokes.” 

“Yeah, buddy, you are, but perhaps we should actually discuss the whole ‘infected thing,’” Hunk said, bringing the mood down, “We are on a ticking timer.”

Lance sombered immediately, “What does he mean?” He said, looking directly at Pidge.

Everyone was silent. The playful atmosphere from before, gone. Pidge inhaled through their teeth. “Well, we may have discovered more than just your trigger when we did the experiment.”

Lance remained silent.

“And, we may have found out that we have around two days to remove this thing before it reproduces and spreads to one of us.”

Lance’s heart dropped. His hands were clenched into fists, knuckles turning white. Moon shaped red curves were making their way into his palms. “Two days, huh? That isn’t very long to fix this.”

“No, it’s not,” Pidge took a deep breath, “Which means that you are going to have to have it removed later today.”

Lance knew this was coming, yet knowing something, and hearing it aloud are two very different things. The reality that he had no time for recovery, and had to go straight back into a dangerous experiment that could result in his death was nothing if not terrifying. Lance closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“How long was I out for? Y’know, after the last test?”

Pidge swallowed, “About two hours, give or take about ten minutes.”

“Right, and, is there anything else I should know before going under?”

Pidge gulped again, “Right well, actually there is. First thing is, um, you’re not going to be going under. You have to be awake for this surgery to work.”

Lance cursed and grabbed his head with his hands, “Of course,” he muttered, “Any reason why?”

“Yes actually. When we did the test we discovered some things. We discovered the source of Galra tech inside of you, and how to, maybe, remove it. You told us on the last day of your imprisonment, they injected you with a needle right? Well, this could’ve been the only way this was inside you, but we found a microchip in your arm where the injection site was. It is attached forcefully to a main artery running through your arm.”

Pidge took another deep breath, looking almost melancholy.

“It was slowly building another one of itself using pieces of you. It was making a biological version of itself to transfer to one of us, presumably. Anyway, when we triggered you, the little chip activated, which alerted us as to where it was and what it was doing. That’s why we injected you with that fluid.”

“So, when we found where it was, we watched it’s reaction when it triggered. The chip released a chemical made from different chemicals inside of you it had collected to make an extremely high -and dangerous- dosage. This chemical then triggers your fight or flight response. And this little bastard of a chip, changes what your brain thinks of as the threat. Therefore, channeling your fear towards us,” Pidge gestures to the group.

“Listen Pidge,” Lance cuts in, ”That’s great and all, but you still haven’t answered my question.”

“Right. . . So, as I was saying, the chip changes what your brain perceives as a threat right? But it seems the Galra has made a small mistake in the fact that this chip doesn’t have enough power to run all of these different functions at once, so, when it is activating your brain, and releasing the chemical, it releases its grip on your artery for a short five seconds, before reclamping. This gives us a five second gap to remove the thing. However, you can only be triggered when you’re conscious, therefore, you have to be awake.”

Lance just nodded solemnly. “That makes sense. . . What are the risks?”

This time Coran spoke, “If we don’t remove the chip, one of us will be infected and also be at mercy to the Galra. Your life expectancy drops to around twenty-five with this chip implanted as the excess amount of chemicals and the imbalances in your brain will kill you. If this procedure goes wrong, and we remove the chip when it is clamping down or isn’t fully unclamped, you will lose your arm, or, even, your life. Something that Pidge failed to mention was that there is a lethal venom inside the chip that will release if it is removed before being activated. If we can get it out even if it is half-clamped, then you have about a seventy percent mortality rate. And because the time limit is so short, the chance of this happening is almost guaranteed. But if we don’t remove it, it puts the whole team at risk, and by extension, the universe.”

Lance gulped. Putting the whole universe at risk didn’t really sound like the right thing to do. This needed to be done and he knew it. Lance knew that no matter what happened, that this would ultimately be the best thing in terms of the end amount of good put into the universe, even if it meant he was dead.

“Okay. . .” Lance said, looking up, “Okay, I’m okay, let’s do this. How long until the procedure?”

“Three hours. You should get some rest beforehand though. Sleep or something. And well, say your. . . Goodbyes.” Pidge sniffed in a bit, as if they were snuffling their tears.

Hunk sniffled a little bit as well, though he was much more obvious. “God Lance, I’m sorry this happened to you. If I could be in this instead of you, I would.”

Lance shook his head, “No, Hunk. I would die if you died, it would be pointless. The team needs you.”

Allura spoke up, “ Lance, I believe that you are in safe hands with Pidge and Coran,” she stopped for a moment, “And I would continue to believe even if I were in your position. I trust that you will come out of this, but-” She cut herself off as a lump formed in her throat. When she spoke again, her voice was croaky, “-but, if you don’t, I love you Lance. We all do. Voltron will never be the same if you are not part of it.”

“Not only Voltron,” Shiro cut in, “ _ We  _ will never be the same without you Lance. I love you too.”

Everyone was silent. They all took a moment to realise that this may be the last two hours they spend with Lance. Lance stood up.

“I’m going to go lay down, when you need me, come get me, hopefully, I’ll be ready.” Lance could barely hold in his tears, but they were sitting so close to the surface.

“Lance. . .” Hunk trailed off.

“No, it’s okay, I just. . . need some time okay? To process,” Lance said quietly. turned away from his friends, letting the blankness of the castle lead him back to his room. Everything was a blur. Lance could feel his feet hitting the ground, yet it felt like he was walking on air. His lungs were taking in air and expelling it, Lance could tell that much, but it didn’t really feel like it was reaching his heart. His heart was pumping wildly, as if it were starved of said oxygen. Lance just managed to keep his arms and legs moving until he came into contact with his bed. Much like when he first returned from the Galra, Lance collapsed into his bed, letting nothing but the depths of sleep take him over.

Three staccato knocks on his door was what woke Lance. A few groggy moments of leftover sleep before the realisation hit him like a brick. He sat up. Did he really just spend his last two hours alive asleep? Fuck.

“Hey Lance, can I come in? I just want to talk privately before this whole thing you know?” Lance breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was Keith.

“Yeah, yeah. Come in, you just gave me a heart attack,” Lance said as the door opened.

Keith chuckled nervously a little, “Yeah, impending doom and all.”

“Was that a joke I heard?” Lance laughed, “Keith Kogane, cracking a joke, that’s unexpected.”

“Yeah well, so is this whole thing right?” Keith replied. 

“Hmmm,” Lance responded. It didn’t really matter. Nothing did at this point. Or maybe, everything did? Lance didn’t know, he was confused.

Keith stood awkwardly near the door. After the first few seconds, he crossed his arms. Lance huffed out a breath.

“Are you waiting for permission? Come sit down.” Lance patted the bed next to him.

Keith uncrossed his arms and sat down. The bed sunk slightly underneath his weight. Keith let out a puff of breath as he relaxed slightly into the bed. There was more silence. Keith was staring at Lance. Lance knew why. He is probably wondering how to talk to the dead-man walking. Keith was never good at hiding his emotions. They always showed up on his face, his thick eyebrows twisting, revealing his true thoughts. Right now they were scrunched together. His eyes were sad, glistening with the light Lance had forgotten to turn off. His mouth was a small frown. Despite all of this, Lance could see how gorgeous he was. Lance always knew he was, but never let himself linger on that though for longer than a second. But, now that death was nearer than ever, why stop? Keith noticed this and stared back.

“Lance, I know this is a bad time,” Keith started with a deep breath, “But if I don’t tell you now, then you may never know, and I don’t think I could live with that.” Lance looked Keith up and down, eyebrows furrowing together, trying to discern what Keith was going to say. “Lance, I know you may not feel that same way you do now after you hear this, and I completely understand if you never want to talk to me again, but. . . It isn’t right for you to die-” Keith got a bit choked up saying that, “-without knowing.” 

“What?” Lance said, adrenaline coursing through his veins after Keith’s speech.

“Lance Mcclain,” He took a breath, “I think I love you.”

Time froze. Lance was completely frozen with it, only the furious beating of his heart could be heard as blood rushed through his ears.

“What?” Lance said, shocked. 

“Fuck!” Keith swore, shaking his head, “Fuck, fuck! I knew this was a bad idea. I’m so sorry Lance, I’ll leave-” Keith started to try and stand up.

Lance grabbed his arm, “-No! Keith, wait.” Keith’s head snapped back to looking at Lance, fear and hope clashing across his face.

In the few quick seconds it took for Lance to grab Keith’s arm all of the moments they had had together in the past few days flashing in front of him. Keith helping him shower, being there for him when he was throwing up, listening to him when he talked about his capture, sunbathing and surfing at the beach with him, taking Lance in and comforting him for the night when Lance couldn’t stop his nightmares, and when he had stood up for him and fought off Shiro when he had lost control. Lane could recall all of these times. The moments where he would catch Keith staring at him, or find himself staring at how gorgeous Keith was. Not even just the physical attraction, but the sheer amount of effort both of them put into their relationship, and the dread that filled Lance’s chest when he realised he had been attacking his team, and by definition, Keith. All of these moments, and all of their time beforehand, it’s no wonder this happened. 

Lance gulped, “I think, I love you too.”

This time it was Keith’s turn to turn in a frozen mess. He was silent for a couple of seconds before reacting.

“What?” Keith said, stunned.

“That’s what I said!” Lance replied.

“Oh my god,” Keith groaned, “I hate you.”

“Shut up Keith, you love me,” Lance winked.

“Fuck off Lance,” Keith said as he cupped the back of Lance’s head, letting his fingers tangle in Lance’s soft brown hair. Lance stared into Keith’s violet eyes, watching the way they twinkled now for only a second before Keith pulled him into a kiss. 

It was soft. A simple press together, a connection. There was nothing special about this kiss, yet, somehow, it felt like the world, the universe, and all the stars to Lance. Electricity sparked through him, his heart pounding the same way it did when Keith confessed his love, just a second ago. Keith’s other hand slid up Lance’s arm, holding him steady as Lance felt he was ready to collapse and turn to jelly. 

They released, looking each other in the eyes, before Lance pressed his cheek to Keith’s chest. Keith maneuvered them so that he was lying next to Lance. Once Keith was settled, Lance swung a leg over him and pressed his cheek to his chest. He stilled and listened for Keith’s heartbeat, finding it racing just as fast as his. Lance’s hands were shaking like mad.

“Keith?” Lance whispered after a few minutes had passed.

“Yeah?” Keith’s response.

“I don’t want to die.”

“Then don’t die. . . At least, wait until I’m dead” 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh, its here, the ending, the climax, the finale.  
> Well not quite, there's a tiny bit more after this, but this here, is the big shit!!

The second knock came soon after.

This time, Lance was semi-ready. He had spent the last hour or so he had left with Keith, simply laying together, basking in each other's company before the inevitable happened. Lance knew what was coming, yet, he couldn't help the tensing of his entire body when he heard the knock. Keith tensed as well, just as the door opened, revealing a worried looking Allura. 

“It’s time.”

Lance sat up. He looked over his shoulder at Keith, eyes filled with worry. Keith looked almost sick, but nodded anyway. Lance stood up on wobbly legs, the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth as he bit down hard. Pidge remained silent.

The walk back to the room felt like he was being marched to his death. Every footstep against the ground felt like a thundering stomp. Ringing filled his ears as he got closer and closer to the room. He felt weightless, like his head was being pulled to the ceiling. He felt loose and weak. Keith placed his hand on Lance’s waist when he saw the look on his face. Lance silently thanked him for it. He needed that to ground him. Lance’s hands were shaking like crazy, so he turned them into fists. He glanced over at Keith, looking for any sign that maybe, just maybe, he could get out this. That perhaps he could just ignore this thing and live the rest of his couple of years left with Keith and the team.

It was when Keith looked back at him, that Lance knew he needed to do this. Keith’s eyes were filled with such determination, such hope, yet absolutely smothered in fear, that there was no mistaking how concerned he was for Lance. Lance could never put Keith (or his team, or the  _ Universe _ ) at risk. At least, not with his moral compass and mental health intact. 

At last they reached the room. It was looking even more sanitary and lifeless than before. Lance could feel each breath as if it was his last. He pressed a palm onto the bench, looking over at the window to see his friends. Though he could barely see them through the tears building up in his eyes, Lance could see the solemn faces of Hunk, Shiro, and now joining them, Keith. The table’s lifeless cold seeped into him. Death felt so much slower now that he could see it coming. 

“Shirt off please,” Pidge said, not looking away from their machines.

Lance pulled his shirt off, feeling exposed. He pushed himself onto the table and lied down. Pidge was setting up the machines to her laptop again, this time she seemed steely and cold. Lance almost shivered. His body was dead yet his mind remained. He wondered what death would be like. Whether he would be the way he is now, paralyzed, unable to do anything but think about his death and life until he eventually rots away, or whether death would really be the eternal slumber. Could Heaven realistically be real? Lance wasn’t religious, but his mother was, and Lance is starting to hope that she was right. That there really was some massive man in the sky who loves all who love him back. That there was a chance, even a minuscule one, that this wasn’t the end for Lance entirely. 

Lance grit his teeth. He looked over, watching as Coran pulled on a pair of blue disposable gloves. Adrenaline started to pump through him. Lance could feel his body’s natural survival instinct kicking in, and it was  _ frightening.  _ He could feel his fingers tingling as he fought against the urge to get up and run. His hips jutted up off the table for a split-second, as if attempting to get him to jump up and flee. Both Coran and Pidge noticed the thump on the table and moved to restrain him. No. No!  _ No! _

Lance grit his teeth harder, fighting against his own body. He shouted out “Please, somebody! For the love of God restrain me!”

“Calm down Lance!” Coran said, grabbing a strap on the side of the table and forcing his arm into it, “You need to remain calm for the beginning of the procedure.”

Lance blew a huge breath out through his teeth before inhaling the same way. His arms and feet were secured, his left arm with multiple more straps than the other. One last strap was put over his hips, to stop them jutting out any more he supposed. Lance let another huge breath out, this time through his nose. The cold silver of the table stood out against the pale white of Lance’s knuckles as he clenched his hand so hard, little crescent shapes would scar into his palms. That is, if he lived long enough for them to scar. 

All Lance could smell was antiseptic. It burned his nostrils, the exact same way the Galra lab had done. He could feel it. The way his lungs filled with the gentle licks of bacteria-killing fire. Blood was pumping in his ears as the metal clinking of different instruments were carefully placed on the side table next to him. 

“Alright Lance,” Pidge said, obviously trying to keep their voice neutral, “We’re ready to begin.”

Lance felt a shiver go through the whole of him. His feet were twitching, aching to be free. He was stuck, he was trapped, this was the end. Lance nodded at Pidge, staring up at them with glass-like eyes. He could feel his heart beat against his ribcage as Pidge picked up a needle and pierced it into a small glass container, sucking up the blue-silver liquid inside. Coran approached Lance’s left arm, startling him when he wiped it down with a cold alcohol wipe. Lance cringed away from the feeling, noticing the skin on his arm going slightly numb. Pidge flicked the needle. Lance could stray his eyes away from it as they lined it up with his left arm. 

The tip pressed into his arm. Lance slammed his head into the table, forcing himself to ignore it. It kept going deeper, pushing into his muscle. Lance -who only now realised he was holding his breath- let out a ragged breath as the needle finally stopped. He panted for a few seconds, the whole room silent, before it began releasing the frigid liquid. Lance glanced over at it again, finding Pidge steadying her hands as she began to pull it out. A deeper, more tiring numbing sensation spread through his arm. The needle finally exited his arm. Pidge placed it on the table. The sound of it hitting the table seemed to wake Lance from his entranced state

“Oh fuck,” Lance cried out, “Oh fuck, fuck,  _ fuck!” _

Pidge was shaking, their hands unable to keep still. "Lance please," They spoke, their voice waving, "please don't move. This next part is going to be rough."

He nodded at Pidge. Lance tried his hardest to stay still, but the shaking in his limbs seemed unstoppable. He was so unbearably nervous. 

Pidge paused for a moment, letting the numbing agent in Lance's arm begin it's work. They grabbed a mask from the table next to them and put it on. Their hair was already pulled back into a ponytail, yet Pidge still put a hair mask over top. Lance was slightly impressed by their professionalism, but it was quickly overwhelmed by fear when they picked up the scalpel.

Lance was physically unable to stop shaking. He tried desperately to get his arm to stay as still as possible, the numbing agent definitely helping. The lights above him were too bright, the table too cold. Lance was acutely aware of everything that was happening. 

Pidge positioned the scalpel. Lance watched as it parted his helpless skin. He watched as droplets of blood pooled up from the wound. They cut deeper. This time his skin was in two halves, meeting again on both sides of the slice. Lance couldn't tear his eyes away. The cut was so deep now, Lance could see his muscles. He gagged, turning his head away. He couldn’t watch. He could watch such mutilation happening to him. Instead he watched Coran.

A clang and the scalpel hit the side table shocked Lance. Pidge spoke, their voice sounded like they were speaking through a grimace, “Located the device, prepare the video.”

Lance sucked in a breath. Coran moved to Pidge's computer. Lance knew what was going to happen next. He watched as Coran turned on the projector. A white screen before the thumbnail of the video. Lance could yet again see himself sitting in Blue’s chair. This was a few seconds before his lion was commandeered. Lance could tell. 

Lance gulped.

“Play,” Pidge said.

Lance grit his teeth and looked directly at his scared face. Looked directly into the eyes of what was sure to be death itself. He looked onward. His knuckles were gripped so tightly they were surely going to fall off. Blood was pounding in his ears. He watched as his screens turned off, and a face appeared on them. He watched, waiting for the word. 

“Instincts.”

This time, instead of the slow burning that used to make its way through him, all of his muscles tensed and he threw his head back. Molten lava scorched his left arm. He looked over. Pidge was standing there pulling out a bloody robot, the size of about four grains of rice. It was stuck in his arm. Lance’s eyes went downward to his mangled arm. It was covered in blood. Shining in the bright, overhead lights, not yet old enough to congeal. A burning hot spike of rage flew through him. Pidge had done this. Pidge had mangled his arm, they deserved to know what it felt like. They were trying to remove his grain! Pidge was trying to remove the only thing keeping him alive. Don’t they know how important this is? Lance growled.

“Stop Pidge! You’re going to kill me!” Lance cried out, eyes darkening. “I’ll get you for this, I’ll get all of you!” He swung his head to look over at his friends- no his  _ enemies.  _ “You will all die for this!”

“It’s stuck, it won’t come out!” Pidge called out, “Coran get over here!” 

Lance snarled, “Don’t you  _ dare  _ Coran!”

Coran looked Lance dead in the eyes. He only stared for a split second, but he seemed to see something Lance couldn’t. His eyebrows furrowed and he scuttled over to Pidge's side.

This sent Lance roaring. He pulled even harder against his restraints. “You bastards are going to kill me, I’ll fucking get you, I’ll get all of you!”

Coran grabbed a pair of clamps from the side table and started trying to attach them to Lance’s arm. Lance screamed in agony as the clamps touched the bare muscles, pulling them apart. The numbing agent seemingly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of pain flowing through him, or perhaps, it was the chip that was stopping it from working. No- no, the chip would never do that. The Galra would never do that to him. Pidge must’ve injected him with something that would enhance the pain. Yeah, that’s it. Pidge was trying to hurt him, to kill him. They all were.

Pidge pulled harder at the chip, their face gleaning with sweat. Waves of pain flew from that spot. Lance pulled harder against his restraints, starting to feel faint from the pain. Suddenly, the restraints on his right arm snapped, releasing him. Pidge looked up just in time to find Lance’s fist flying at them. He socked them directly in the center of their forehead, knocking them out. Coran was knocked out of the way by their flying body. Lance looked over his mess, before beginning to undo the straps on his torso. 

He got halfway through undoing it, before Keith busted into the room. He marched over to Lance on the table.

“Stay the fuck back Keith,” Lance snarled. Keith froze to a stop just before Lance could reach him. Lance reached over the table and grabbed the bloody scalpel off the side table. He pointed it at Keith.

“Lance, put it down.” Keith demanded firmly. Lance could feel the blood rushing through him. The video that was playing in the background finally stopped, leaving nothing but silence and his heavy panting.

“No,” Lance snapped, “I’ll never bend to you Paladin scum, now let me out!”

Keith’s brows furrowed. He pounced, knocking the scalpel out of Lance’s hand. Lance let him knock it, only to headbutt him and scrabble with the strap on his waist. Keith stumbled back, his back hitting the ground. Lance looked him directly in the eye, a red wash seeming to encompass him. He roared, pulling his waist restriction off. 

Coran took this moment to scrabble back up from the floor and yank roughly at the clamps on his arm. Lance gasped in pain. He turned to face Coran. 

They made eye contact. Coran was frozen in fear, hands tentatively pulling at the clamps. Lance could see the fear in his eyes, he could see the pain from hurting his friend. He could see emotions swirling within him, without a single word said. 

A split second was all it took for Keith to leap into the table, on to Lance’s hips, and pin him down. 

Lance snapped out of his trance. He posted his fist up to punch Keith off, lips pulling back into a snarl, before Keith pinned down his arm too. 

“Get it out Coran,” Keith barked, “He’s gotten really fucking  _ strong!” _

Coran got to work on his arm again. Lance panted, looming over at him. Stabbing pains swum through his veins. Lance couldn’t focus anymore, his brain turning to mush from the agony. The angry glare he was sending Coran’s way slowly melted away as the pain grew. His head rocked back, letting him look up. He looked at Keith, at his sweaty forehead. His hair was surrounding his face dripping down his cheeks like tar. His purple eyes gleaming with determination, reflecting the deathly bright lights. His lips were pulled into a taut snarl, showing off his pearly whites. 

The lights seemed to get brighter, blocking out his view of the rest of the world. Why on earth did they make it so bright in here? Was it so Lance lost what time it was? Because if so, they nailed it, Lance was completely lost. The sounds of his enemies- (or friends?) slowly breathing faded away, until all he could hear was his heart beat. 

Keith looked like an angel. He was glowing. Lights glared through his hair, surrounding his face like a halo. His lips were a dusty pink, chapped from being bitten so often. Lance never knew why Keith bit his lips so much. Perhaps it was because he was anxious, or the constant fighting kept him panicked. Not Keith though, he always seemed so calm and collected. The strength from the muscles in his arms kept Lance from fighting back, not that he would want to.

“I got it, it- it’s out!” It was a shout but it sounded like a whisper. The world was swaying around him, it was blurry. Everything sounded muffled. The screams of his name, the bursting open of a door, the flurry of footsteps. All sounded like he was six feet underwater. The weight of Keith on top of him lifted. Where was he going? Wasn’t he going to stop him from fighting back? Where did all that rage go? 

He felt his eyes start to drip closed. The world was so quiet, so small. Lance didn’t need to pay attention. He could just take a moment to-

“Lance!” Someone called his name. It sounded familiar. But why? “Lance please, focus on me!” 

Lance turned his blurry eyes towards the noise. He saw Keith, looking over him.

“Keith, what are you doing?” He slurred his words. Why aren’t they coming out right? “Shouldn’t you be stopping me?”

Keith laughed wetly, he sounded like he had been crying, “You idiot, are you still trying to kill me?”

Lance thought it over for a second. He didn’t feel like killing Keith right now. Or anyone for that matter.

“No?” He answered. 

“Is that a question?” Keith sounded slightly suspicious.

“No.” Lance breathed out, feeling himself slipping, “I don’t want to kill you…” 

“Hey, hey,” There was a small slap across his face. “Stay awake, we still need to patch you up.”

“Okay,” Lance kept his eyes open. As the world slowly came back into focus, so did the numb pain in his arm. Lance winced.

“Is it your arm?” Keith asked in response to Lance’s face.

Lance nodded. He looked over at his arm, seeing his friends faces swimming over it. It was Pidge and Coran. They were sewing his arm back together. A freshly empty needle sat on the table next to the old one. He looked at it, panic filling him, he seized up. 

Coran noticed this, “It’s adrenaline and some pain killer, should keep you from falling asleep and feeling the pain, don’t worry.” He said in the most soothing voice he could have mustered.

Lance nodded again, feeling more of his brain power coming back. He could tell that some time had passed now. 

“Did I pass out?” He asked, brows furrowing. He didn’t remember passing out, but something was missing from his timeline.

Keith tilted his head and smiled slightly. “Yeah, you did. Just after I pinned you down too.” 

Lance took in this information. He remembered staring at Keith’s face, that was only a couple of minutes ago, right?

“How long was I out for?” 

“Only about ten minutes.” Lance’s head drifted over to Pidge and Coran again, “Hey, hey, look at me,” Keith stopped him.

“Am I not allowed to see?” Lance asked, thinking about how mangled his arm must be now. 

“Just… stay focused on me okay?” Keith said, roughly smoothing over Lance’s worries.

“Okay…” 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reinvigorated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end! I've been writing this for so long... and its finally done. Wow. Well, I hope you guys enjoy it! :)

After the surgery, Lance was put in a healing pod.

It was a rough heal, given all the wounds he gained from the fight with his friends during his surgery. Even when he was released from the pod after about three weeks in there, the scars still remained. A long, jagged one down the inside of his arm. The new skin was a soft baby pink when it was first released, but quickly warmed up to the rest of his skin. 

As soon as Lance got out of the pod, he was swaddled up and babied by his team. Hunk kept him well-fed and amused, with his good cooking and friendly nature. He was obviously shaken up from watching Lance attack his friends, but he grew closer fast enough.

Allura wasn’t so quick to accept Lance, still wary of the fact that traces of the tech could still be left inside of him. Lance understood this, but it was still hard. When she eventually came around though, she was extremely apologetic. Lance went red the first time she apologized for letting him get captured. He brushed her off, but that didn’t stop her. She went out of her way to make it up to him. She planned a small vacation, one to make up for their previous one. But, being Allura, she tacked on a small rescue and recovery mission onto the end.

Pidge forgave Lance almost instantly, punching him in the shoulder the minute he came out. They no longer looked tired and secretive, as they had when Lance first came back. Now that the rat had been found out and treated, they were brighter than ever. Pidge made sure that Lance was never bored, bringing snacks and video-games back to his room for them to play together. 

After he hugged the team and thanked them, Lance found Shiro holding back from the group hug. He felt hurt. Why was Shiro steering clear of him? Does he still think Lance is part of the Galra? Lance confronted him about it, and it turned out Shiro was still sorry about attacking Lance in the original interrogation. Of course, Lance told him it didn’t matter. That was in the past. Plus, Shiro was in the right, Lance technically  _ was  _ a Galran spy. 

Coran was the same as always, if not a little bit more sympathetic towards Lance. It didn’t hurt to have a bit of extra help when he couldn’t lift certain heavy objects. 

And, the last of the team, Keith. They had barely spoken since the surgery, simply spending time in each other’s company. It had only been about a week, yet the shock of the outcome has barely worn. Lance could feel Keith’s pain. He could see from the glint in his eyes that everything seemed too good to be true. He could feel from the tightness of his hug that Keith never wanted to let go. He pretended he didn’t notice when Keith would unwrap himself from Lance and sit on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, unable to sleep. 

But, what was he supposed to do about it? Was he meant to just sit there and watch Keith suffer? Lance didn’t know. All he could do was be there for when Keith didn’t want to let go. They were both a little bit shattered, but at least this time they knew they could repair themselves. 

~~~

This time, when they went to the gorgeous beach planet, it was a clean up and rescue mission, with a little relaxing on the side. They definitely still needed a vacation, but at least they wouldn’t feel guilty for taking another one right after the first. 

Once the ship landed, Lance skidded to the front hatch and ran out. Of course, it wasn’t the same as the first time he landed, as now he was in his Paladin armor, but he could still practically feel the warmth from the sun on his skin. He looked around. Debris was scattered around, mostly Galra, but there seemed to be a fair few palm fronds snapped and twisted. Lance turned around, and looked at some of the gorgeous greenery around, finding a huge pillar of smoke billowing up from perhaps a small village within there. 

It was a bit disheartening to say the least. They existed to save the universe, not destroy it, yet, here it was. A failure. 

Despite the abrupt start, it only took around a week to repair and salvage the damage the battle had caused. Well, the  _ physical  _ damage. The people, although relaxed, were still a bit distrusting of the Paladins, as they had seen nothing to this magnitude until they had arrived. Luckily, Pidge had been able to track down Elf, and have him explain the situation, and that they meant no harm. 

After they had repaired most of their relationships with the people, the team finally decided to relax, and make the most of their ‘vacation’. This time, with Pidge keeping a careful eye on any sign of oncoming attack. 

Pidge, Lance, Keith, and Elf were standing around, the pile of boards they had brought along next to them. They were getting ready to surf.

“You know, I bet Elf will absolutely wreck you on those waves,” Pidge laughed, knocking Lance in his undamaged arm.

“Hey, now, that’s only ‘cause I’m handicapped. Other than that, he would never wreck me!” Lance responded, offended. 

“He’s right, I’m the only one who can ‘wreck’ him,” Keith butted in, winking.

Pidge was the first to respond to his comment, “Keith that’s so gross.”

One of Lance’s eyebrows went up as he nudged Keith’s side, “What’s gotten into you today babe, you’re not usually like this? Whatever it is I’m liking it.”

Keith folded his arms, “Don’t get your hopes up, it was a once in a lifetime joke, enjoy it while it lasts.”

“Aww babe, don’t you want to see me smile?” Lance batted his eyelashes at his boyfriend.

Keith looked at him with soft eyes, “I always want to see you smiling Lance don’t you ever forget.”

Pidge gagged, “Alright enough sap, let’s shred some goddamn waves, right Elf?”

Elf turned to face Pidge, “I think that all love should be appreciated, no matter what form it comes in.”

Lance took this moment to annoy Pidge, “Exactly Elf, equal rights for all, end homophobia”

“Although I think that Pidge might be asking for some surfing instructions from me?” Elf added.

They laughed, and grabbed their boards, heading towards the waves.

~~~

The suns were setting in unison, casting a gorgeous orange and pink hue across the sky. Long, graceful clouds dripped from the sky, turning a lavender purple. Keith and Lance were sitting next to each other, the soft sand coating the back of his legs. A couple hours had passed since they had begun surfing. The water was calling out to him, his board resting next to him. 

Not that Lance was paying attention to any of that. He was a bit preoccupied. 

Keith leaned in slightly, letting Lance have a full view of how beautiful he was. Lance wasn’t complaining. Ever since they had landed, Lance had just been waiting for this moment. He cupped the back of Keith’s neck pulling him in until their lips met. He felt Keith tilt his head as he sat his arms gently on Lance’s shoulders, letting his hands hang loosely behind him. His heart bloomed with warmth. Lance moved with Keith, letting himself indulge for a moment before pulling away.

“After all this, I’m glad we finally get some time alone,” Keith said, staring out at the waves, watching as one crashed over the sand. 

Lance chuckled breathlessly. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

There was a moment of silence. The suns were setting, it would only be a matter of minutes before the stars could be seen.

“You know, we will get them back right?” Keith turned to face Lance. He could see the sunset reflected back at him through his eyes.

“Get who?”

“The scientist who did this to you,” Keith brushed a hand over Lance’s, “And the empire.”

Lance hummed, breaking eye contact. Perhaps it would help his peace of mind. Taking down the enemy threatening to take over the whole universe. He laughed a little bit at that. Maybe another day.

“What’s that about?” Keith questioned his laugh.

“Yeah, maybe it would help my peace of mind, taking down the Galra that is.”

Keith grinned. 

“Yeah alright asshole.” Keith stood up, picking up his board, “Come on, let’s surf, before the day’s out.”

Lance followed him. 


End file.
